A few days ago I met an uncle who was complimenting my writing. He said I don’t comment anything but I read all your blog posts and I like the way you write. And I was like I haven’t written in a long time. My posts are so infrequent and I’m not at all regular. I find it difficult to find inspiration to write now a days. So he said…. Make a post about that! So here it is 😃
So what really inspires me to write what I do? Things happening everyday around me which involve my kids and which involves some aspect of parenting or requires some thought. ‘Some thought’ does not mean overthinking. Definitely does not mean taking out Baal ki khal (the skin out of the hair). But many times we face situations where we need to stop and think over. Should I do what my parents did? Or do I need to treat it differently?
There is no dearth of topics I feel. As a parent of 2 young girls there is always something new happening. Every now and then something comes up. But I think I have become lazy to pick up my phone and just write. It’s that simple. So I’m trying now to get back to it.
Hope to write more…. (In fact as I write this I have already thought of 2 things to write about 😁)
I took A for her piano class today. I was waiting outside peacefully reading my book when I suddenly hear this woman dressed in a shiny purple kurta and head covered in a black dupatta shouting at the top of her voice. She was calling out to her mistress’s daughter, who had probably just finished a class at the music school. she was scolding her and telling her to come quickly or she will call her mamma. The girl was asking for 5 minutes to talk to her friend but this lady shouted again until the receptionist at the class had to tell her to talk softly.
The poor girl embarrassed by this whole episode got up and left with her. All the way outside the gate I heard that lady scolding her that if she dint come out soon after her class she would call her mamma.
I just sat wondering what just happened. We trust these helps to drop and pick up our children and this is how they treat them. She had no business shouting in the manner she did. I am guilty of doing this too in the past. But I knew my maid well. She never treated my girls like this…. Or did she? Everything made me doubt her all over again. But she worked 9 years for me and the kids loved her. Surely she couldn’t have.
Do we really know how the maids are treating our kids before we entrust pieces of ourselves to them? They might show something in front of us but behave another behind our backs. How will we ever know? I guess the answer is to ask our children. Talk to them about the time they spend with the maid. Ask them if she’s kind to them or not. We can encourage our children to talk to us if something is not right. There are times when they have to be strict too and we need to understand the situation. But shouting the way this lady was is unacceptable. I have seen my maid also be strict with my kids but not rude. I did give her some liberties because in my absence the kids went to her. But those were limited.
The come to know importance of knowing and observing. We should know how our maids are treating our children. Because this is certainly not the way I would treat my children. Then why would I allow someone else to. A grandparent…. maybe …. but definitely not a maid. (Grandparents anyway are far mor gentler to the kids than we are 😁)
The girls were so excited to wear “coloured clothes” to school. No uniform to school is like such a big thing for kids. I remember when we were in school also it was such a big thing that we got to wear coloured clothes to school on this day (and birthday of course). The celebrations in school were also so much fun for them! The teachers dressed as students and put up some show for them and they had various activities for them like nail art, mehendi, hair braiding and some games. What fun!!
And in the middle of all this A had a fall in school and bumped her knee. I was at work and when she came home, she didn’t tell anyone that she hurt herself. She had worn a dress which covered her knee so she just kept it covered and did not even tell P in the bus that she got hurt. And why? She said she was scared to tell anyone! Don’t know where that came from. They both have had bruises so many times….. like kids fall, they get hurt….
Anyway….. having your 2 little angels give you a big hug when you get back home from work can do all the magic. Just hold them close and your tiredness for the day melts away.
It’s been a month that we have returned from the awesomeness that was the trip. An 18 day trip to Paris and Salzburg was only in our dreams. I feel as if I’m still recovering from the high it gave me. The girls have almost finished their travel journals but I still need to give them some boxes to put in their memorabilia from the trip. The little souvenirs they bought from the various places we visited and rocks we collected from the Salzburg salt mines. it was THE most amazing trip we had. It was the first time they were both on such a trip. I wasn’t sure how A would be as the trip involved a lot of walking and Paris was all about waiting in lines, but she was amazing. She would keep saying I’m the leader. Follow me but tell me where to go 😄.
There was so much practical knowledge they got. They learnt how to read maps and figure out public transport. Which bus/subway we need to take, from which stop/platform, do we need to change, where are we going. Changing lines in the Paris subway and identifying the directions on the trains. Papa had given P the responsibility to write down our cash expenses everyday. She had to write down and tally the cash every few days. She did it diligently the first few days but by the end of it there was a difference which we couldn’t figure out 🧐. But it was a learning for her. More or less we figured how much we spent in which category.
But you know what the most amazing part of the trip was? The way the girls bonded. I had never imagined that this would be the outcome of this trip. I was initially thinking I’m going to have a tough time, as A is so clingy and she wants me to do everything for her. But P took over with full enthusiasm. She made sure A ate, bathed and slept and kept entertained while I had to cook 3 meals. She wanted to help me at first and even tried. But I think that keeping A was a much bigger help to me than helping me cook. I didn’t mind cutting and chopping and peeling and cooking that much because I could do it peacefully and not A nagging at me to bathe her or sit with her while she eats or entertain her.
Starting from the plane, they sat together and luckily we got a couple of empty seats in the neighbouring row all times so Papa and I could sit together. They got 3 seats to sleep on and the even watched the movie together on the in flight entertainment. We stayed in apartments everywhere so the kids’ beds were always in the living room. I had gone prepared that I will have to sleep with A in the living room everyday as she still sleeps in my room and half the night on my bed. But I really don’t know how P convinced her to sleep with her in the living room. They both slept in there through the trip and not once did A complain. And the biggest outcome…. Once we returned, they started sleeping in their room! After 12 1/2 long years, our room is now free of the kids beds! We can talk in normal voices after the kids sleep and we get all the privacy we want 😜.
Apart from this it was just they way these 2 were actually starting to look forward to spending time with each other. Earlier P dint make that much of an effort to play with A. But now she always wants to entertain her. If she gets grumpy, P is the one who will do something funny to lift her spirits. A wants to hug and kiss her all the time and looks up to her differently than she used to. It’s simply amazing the transformation we have seen in these two. Just praying that they keep it up and grow up this way 🤞🏻
We do underestimate our kids sometimes. They surprise us in ways which we don’t imagine. We should really learn to trust our children more. Give them the credit they deserve and give them a chance to bring out their best. We must give them opportunities to learn and gain practical knowledge. It will help them not only gain academic knowledge but also teach them life lessons which will last them a lifetime.
As things gradually getting back to normal we as parents are happier because kids have started going to school. Mine started in November with a months gap due to the third wave. But things bounced back pretty fast after the third wave and it’s happy to see kids boarding that school bus. After the first day they went to school I was like now what? What do I do? I had to actually find things to do in that extra 2 hours I was getting everyday in the morning. Not counting all the extra time I was getting during the day while they were away. After all there was no “mamma read me a book” “mamma cuddle!” “Mamma I’m not able to log in” (obviously all of these were A not P)
But I still hear people asking for online classes for kids! Why? I’m waiting for the day when the kids will start physical extra curricular classes too! Dance, art… these are things which really need your teacher to be physically present. The teaching and learning which can happen with physical contact is so much more than online. I myself am a dancer and I can see my self loosing interest because it’s online. I can’t wait to get back to the studio to learn with the group and dance together with everyone.
Kids need to get out. They need to socialise and meet friends and other people. We should stop putting our convenience over their learning. This pandemic has definitely made us a bit lazy. We want everything from home. Work from home, online classes, order everything online….etc etc. But we also want to party. You know it’s strange, some people want to party and socialise normally but are still not willing to send children to school. The schools have a hybrid option as of now and some are still opting to stay at home.
Some of these are the people who are maybe on a “workation” go away somewhere for a couple of months as you have work from home. Something new which has come up in the pandemic. It was nice when things were more uncertain and the virus was at its peak. But now? Everything is as good as normal and we need to understand that the virus is not going anywhere. It’s going to be here a long time and we have to treat it as another flu. So if schools are on SEND YOUR KIDS TO SCHOOL.
I think it has been said enough that the pandemic has given rise to mental illnesses because of people and kids being holed up inside. Listen to what experts are saying. Grief, social isolation, ADHD, ASD, parental fatigue, increased screen time are only a few things affecting children. They might be at different degrees for different kids but something or the other has affected them. Some have even said that the mental illness following is the next big pandemic.
Eg. A is fearful of even leaving my hand when we go to a store. P is still sceptical about going to a mall. She let us go but she herself doesn’t want to go. They get a bit annoyed now when we call people home. They say, why again someone is coming. Since 2 years we had no visitors at home. We were very cautious because of their grandparents. But now things seem to have normalised and we have started entertaining people at home and also going to other people’s houses. It is so difficult to get them to go! Or meet people when they come home.
Although for me it hasn’t been too bad but there have been others who have been worse affected. Child behaviour has changed for the worse and small kids have become more aggressive and stubborn.
Let’s together make sure that the next generation gets what it deserves. Give them a good life and enough exposure so that that bloom and make the world a better place to live in.
I found this image on the internet and when the facts were in front of me it kinda came as a a shock. Well.. for India it might not hold completely true. P is in grade 6 and for her the last normal (almost) year was grade 4. They only lost the last 20 days of school for grade 4. But yes it was an abnormal ending for a school year.
But now I think there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. The third wave for us came much after the rest of the world and it was so mild compared to the previous one. Lesser serious cases and much lesser death rate than before. For most it was just a mild cold, cough and fever. Just like a flu. This time all adults in our house were down together. We didn’t even isolate 😀
Schools are opening next week and boy, are the kids happy. The moment the email came from school they both made up a ‘back to school’ dance. When their dad came out of his room they were dancing and singing in front of him and putting up such a show. At first he couldn’t understand what was going on and he thought it was just another game but slowly realised they were singing the words “offline school” and doing a dance 😂
I don’t know what the experts say but as a layman I feel the end of this tunnel is here. There’s light ahead and very soon we can expect things to be normal again. It might be a “new normal” but better than being locked up at home. The children have lost too much during these couple of years. There is a lot they need to cover up. Hopefully the damage will go. Even if it takes some time. Hopefully the kids will be able to go to school again (for the sake of their sanity…. And ours 😋). Hopefully we will see mask free people again and be able to smile at them. (Doesn’t it happen that someone you know is in front of you and you don’t recognise that person because of that mask? ) Hopefully we will be able to recognise people again! Hope keeps the world alive….. and hope has seen all of us through this pandemic. Many people lost their loved ones. There isn’t a family where at least 1 COVID death hasn’t taken place. Hopefully this is the end of it……
There was a discussion on this topic in P’s school parents’ whatsapp group. It started when someone shared an article which said we as parents have become more protective than ever before. Air conditioned buses to school, not walking in the sun, complaining about dust…. some of the things which our kids are so used to. The author of the article went on to say that she took local buses to get to school and went to local crowded places which helped her understand and be sensitive towards the lesser privileged society. She blames our current lifestyle for the way our kids are and questions our choices for this lifestyle if it’s desensitising our kids.
Where I do not completely disagree with her I also want to say that being sensitive or not is a very individual trait. Both my kids have the same upbringing but by nature I know my younger is a more sensitive and empathetic person. I can also say that kids learn from example. Have you complained that it’s too sunny outside to walk? Do you say it’s too dusty and polluted? They learn what they see. With our changing lifestyles, we ourselves have forgotten what it was like when we faced those hardships.
And of course they don’t learn what they don’t see. So unless at home you show some kind of empathy for the society or talk about some of the difficulties common people face, they won’t know. If you do some community service yourself, that’s when kids even realise that it’s our responsibility as privileged to help the lesser privileged. Talk about what and why you are doing. Involve them in some way or the other. You can even make it small. Start with your house help, or with other helpers.
Yes it’s true that our kids will not see the lifestyle we lived. Times have changed and luxury is more affordable now. When we were children having a chauffeur for your car, or living in a high rise apartment were luxuries only the very rich could afford. But now that’s different. It’s more affordable to live in a multi storied apartment complex. It’s more affordable to have cars and even middle class can afford it. And so it’s all the more our responsibility to make sure our kids get the right exposure. We are all making an effort here and hopefully we can make this world a kinder place to live in.
And I think it comes down to one more point. Gratitude. I’ve touched upon this before and I feel that everyone in this world should be grateful for what they have. Everyday just remember all the things you have and the people around you who love you and be grateful. Thank God or life or whatever it is that you believe in that you have what you have. Trust me it will make you a more content person and as you count your blessings, you also remember that there are many out there who don’t have all what you do.
Ok. I’m not an expert or anything but one basic thing as a parent I do understand is to let kids read what’s age appropriate. P is almost 11 now and it seems that all her classmates have read the entire Harry Potter series long before her. Well…. I dint let her. I havnt read it myself but what I understood from someone who has read it that basically Harry is 10 in the first book and each book sees him grow by a year. Which means by the time you get through 7 books, he’s 17. Which also means there’s going to be stuff in the book which is appropriate only for those ages. Even conceptually it will be difficult for younger kids to understand. But I see parents of 8 year olds proudly saying that their kids have read the entire series. So what next?
I’m all for children reading and all but seriously? Do you have to expose them to everything at such an early age? No wonder kids are maturing earlier now and growing up much faster than even we did! They should be smart no doubt but over smart? I heard about 10 year olds reading hunger games and they are not pretty! Why in world would you like your children to be exposed to such gruesome violence at such a young age? Doesn’t that have ill effects on the mental health of the child?
Why don’t parents go slow? Why are they in a race to show off that my child has read this and that? Call me old fashioned but I’m certainly not for it. Btw…. P has only read 6 HPs. I had told her only 1 a year since last year but now she’s insisting on the 7th earlier. Let’s see. Maybe I will give in. But will make her wait at least another couple of months. She got the last book on New Year’s Eve.
I understand the world is going faster than ever before. Kids are exposed to so much more anyway than we were. So why not try and limit them as much as we can. After all they will grow up one day. Why take away their innocence sooner than needed? Today’s article has more questions than answers but I truly fail to understand this madness. Parents please take a chill pill and let the kids grow at their own pace.
I read this line on an fb post today and it just got me thinking. It’s so true. I’ve always believed that if the kids are learning less this year it’s ok. Our state government banned online classes and I was part of a movement to get the ban lifted so that our kids could learn. I wasn’t worried about whether they will finish their syllabus this year or no. My only concern was that if they do not have online school, the kids will have nothing to do. They won’t have a schedule. Their minds will be empty. They would not be stimulated. There will be no connect to the outside world.
There are so many worried parents out there, worrying if they are going to finish their syllabus or not. Are they learning enough? Are they behind their normal schedule? And these are parents of young children, primary and middle school. The only parents who should be concerned are the ones giving their board exams. That too most boards have reduced the syllabus this year so that kids can cope with online learning.
I think the only area they do lag behind is physical activity. Some kids might make it up by playing outside or meeting some friends to play in their apartment. But for kids like mine (we don’t live in a gated community and P will do anything to stay away from sports) it’s difficult to get them to do anything physical at all.
Yes it’s true, our kids have this unique opportunity (I don’t know good or bad) to go through this pandemic and come out sane. We as parents have the responsibility of getting them through this time. We are fortunate enough to have technology on our side. At least with Internet, the kids can connect to school, meet their teachers and meet their friends online. Some emotional connect other than parents only. So many mental issues come up at a time like this. I have 2 so they at least have someone of their age at home. What about the kids who are the only child? I honestly do feel bad for them coz they have no one else their age to connect with, especially in the months when the lockdown was strict.
Let’s help the children survive this and pull through because it’s these kids who are the future of this planet. When they grow up they will have survived the worst pandemic in a century. And they have to come out victorious!
This pandemic has been toughest on the kids. They haven’t met friends in over 6 months and are locked up in the house. They can hardly go out of the house compound. Those living in apartments are fortunate to at least move around in the apartment complex (some don’t even allow that). But for people like us who live in houses, don’t have a choice but to keep them indoors. Every lane and street has positive cases and it’s becoming increasingly scary to allow them to venture out.
Schools are online and they spend hours in front of gadgets first attending classes , then doing homework. With a combination of synchronous and asynchronous learning they easily spend 4-5 hours a day in front of the computer. Plus they want to watch some entertainment also, so that’s added. To top it off they keep hearing COVID updates and that its increasing more than ever before. It’s all very scary for them and being able to go to school or meet friends is the biggest change they have ever seen and hopefully will have to ever see!
What can we as parents do to bring some sense of normalcy in their minds . Here are some things which I feel matter.
Keep a routine. I have always been a believer of routine. I’ve seen people struggling with bed times and waking kids up for school. I don’t know if I’m just blessed or it was my habit of routine which has helped my kids have a healthy sleeping routine. A fixed bed time is a must. They must go to bed like it’s a normal school day and wake up just like that. Shower and breakfast before online school starts and continue through the day like a school time table. Once school is over then they can have their down time and relax. I cannot stress enough on the importance of routine. Fixed meal times, bath times etc. it all tells them that things are normal. The change is not that big a deal. If you find your child not waking up at the desired time first find out how many hours of sleep does your child need. Then work backwards and figure out what time they need to sleep to wake up at the desired time. Then slowly 15 minutes at a time start changing their bed time. When they are done with their hours of sleep they will automatically wake up in time. Bed time is one thing we stick to without any compromise. One reason is routine and second very important reason is that only after they are both asleep do husband and I get some private time. A little chat at the end of the day gives us peace of mind and help us to keep our connect. Otherwise the entire day flies off and we don’t even realise that we haven’t had a decent conversation in days!!
Limit TV time. I know it simple to allow them to watch tv while you have to work. But this is one of the biggest devils. Studies have shown that watching tv triggers the production of dopamine which is the same thing that adults go through when they are addicted to drugs or alcohol. So you can judge what’s better for them. It’s not like I don’t let them watch tv at all. Yes they do watch. But the time is restricted. For A it’s 1 hour a day (she doesn’t have online school) and P is half an hour on school days and 1hour on holidays. If they are idle they will get creative with the ways they can spend their time.
Talk to them. it’s important that we open all channels of communication with our kids. We must create a sense of trust in them that mom or dad will listen when we want to talk and answer questions when we need them. Maybe before bed time or any time of the day you feel appropriate. I usually don’t prefer bed times because I’m a stickler for bed time. If I allow them to talk at that time they can go on and on 😄. Early mornings are a time when I bond with A. And with P we try and find any other time she’s ok with. They might have fears regarding the virus or about any adult who is stepping out of the house. It’s good to talk about it and give the facts. Be truthful but don’t give out too much information. Only enough to fulfil their curiosity. We recently had a session about this with A’s Montessori school. And the principal told us that it’s important to give true information to children but only to the extent they ask for it. Don’t divulge in unnecessary information which does not concern them. You never know what form it takes in their minds.
Play with them. P is a pre teen now but still enjoys playing with us. That’s the time when the bonding happens. When inhibitions are let go and they open up. A good game with thrills and laughters is always welcome. We play age appropriate games with P and A.
Let them get innovative and participate in their activities. there are so many things they think of doing in their free time. A has her pretend plays so she likes to set up shops and restaurants for us and wants us to shop and eat. Or sometimes just blow bubbles in the garden. She finds different ways of setting up shop and decorating her playroom to make a pretty dress shop or decorates her little table to represent a restaurant. Together they opened an imaginary restaurant called Stomach Full. They have served us yummy foods and desserts. Stomach full has hosted various events like fashion shows and dance performances. And the latest is HPL (Home premier league) since they have diversified their business now they have renamed it “Our Awesome Lives” and that is the main sponsor of HPL. HPL is basically a triangular balloon cricket series. Dad is 1 team, P is team 2 and A and I are team 3. There will be 3 matches (2 overs each innings) and one final match to be played between the winning 2 teams. The ground is my bedroom 😄. Sunday was the opening ceremony where the teams were presented to the audience (grandparents) and there was a small art gallery walk which had artworks from our budding artists.
Try and get some physical activity in their routine. Honestly I’ve not done very well in this department. A still enjoys running because the length of the house gives her enough space to run. But P gets no physical activity. She has dance class on weekends and during the week school makes them do some fitness exercises as 1 period a day. Apart from that it’s a little difficult to get her to do anything. She prefers curling up with a book to physical. Which is good in a way but I don’t know how to get her to do anything physical. So the kids have made up this game they call “Extreme hide and seek” our house has 3 floors. 1 ground plus 2 more floors. These 2 along with our house help ladies play this game where they divide themselves in teams hide in any corner of the 3 floor house and the other team has to search. So when that goes on there’s a lot of running up and down and all around the house but I’m not sure if that counts as physical activity 🤔. Gotto work on this one.
DO NOT fill their day with online classes. Again I know it’s very tempting to fill up their schedules with classes. Now a days coding starts at age 6! Wow isn’t that way early for that kind of stuff? Going online has opened up many new avenues and everyone is in a rush that their kids must learn something new in this covid time. Although the idea is good do not rush to fill all their days with classes. Going by a time table the entire day, all the days is very cumbersome. Would you like to be tied to a time table all the days? Then why subject the kids to that? Going by routine and filling up their schedules with classes is not the same thing. Routine means that routine jobs are done at the same time everyday. And time table means your time is entirely divided into fixed activities. So understand the difference. I’m not saying don’t enrol them in online classes but keep a limit and make sure they have ample free time other than homework time etc. Don’t give them a feeling that they have sufficient free time (since they are not stepping out of the house) so make complete use of it constructively in classes. Even spending free time doing nothing is constructive. Getting bored is constructive. Coz it’s only then they get creative ideas and they explore their own capabilities and likings. Mentally the kids get pressurised and it’s not a sense of normalcy. Because they get the feeling all the more that COVID has displaced our lives a lot and we are having to do extra work instead of being able to go out and meet friends.
Allow them to have video calls with friends so they can simply chat with them or play games virtually. This allows them to somewhat fulfil their socialising requirements. Basic human nature is to socialise and we all know how much we miss eating out at restaurants or meeting friends for drinks. It’s the same with them. So let them have a virtual meet-up and let them spend that time as they wish. And if you have some friends who you can trust are taking safety precautions then by all means allow them to have play dates. Maybe once a week or couple of weeks. I do have 1 friend of A’s and 1 of P’s who I know is ok to interact with. So once in a while they have play dates.
An indoor tent A tiny tea partyP made an Independence Day quiz for all family members. She researched some monuments and facts about indian cuisines and info on states and made a super fun and informative quiz for usWe removed a 40 year old projector which projects slides. Their grandfather has a ton of old slides with pictures from way back in the 1980’s. The kids love watching them. This is one such image of their dad projected on the wall.
Yes it’s been a long read but I feel I have collected all my ideas into this article. Everything I have experienced in these past months of lockdown I have tried to summarise here. Our kids are going through something very unique. And it’s going to have a long lasting impact on them. Hearing the word Virus will always have another meaning for them altogether. They are scared and they do have questions. It’s only natural. They are also very upset because no meeting friends, no school, no travel, no holidays. My A is sooo upset because we could not go to Mumbai to visit Nani (maternal grandmother) these last holidays. Every few days she starts to cry that she wants to meet Nani and her bhaiya (older cousin brother, my nephew). And I have no answers. There doesn’t seem to be any solution to this devil in the near future and we don’t see anything normalising anytime soon. Let’s hope we all can endure this time and emerge stronger people.
Favourite Mom 