Mom syndrome

Mom syndrome

There is a high alert for all mommys out there. There is a condition which affects children of all ages, although symptoms are more severe in toddlers, doing the rounds. There are no symptoms which give you any advance warning and neither can it be diagnosed by any medical tests. It comes and goes without any warning and is usually accompanied by the child being upset and behaving in an unusual manner.

This new condition has been named “Mom Syndrome” The child experiences a sudden outburst of emotions , usually upsetting. They are compelled to not listen to the people around and start throwing a tantrum. Toddlers may feel the need to cry out their lungs. They will stop doing what they were already doing happily and cling on to their mom.

The main cause of Mom Syndrome is said to be the moms themselves! Whenever a mom has left her child in the care of someone else, and she suddenly appears, the child will experience a sudden need to cry and hold on to mom. He or she will not listen to their care taker any longer or won’t even let go of mom. They won’t let the caretaker even touch them any longer. Even though they were happy with the caretaker earlier, now that person has become their enemy.

Sounds familiar? Yes…. I’m sure every mom out there knows about this syndrome 😂. All the dramas that these kids have to do will come out as soon as they see mamma’s face. They would be playing/ eating happily with the nanny/ grandparent/ any other human being. But as soon as they even remotely hear mom’s voice they get ticked off. And the mamma song starts.

I really don’t know how to handle this behaviour. I can’t even walk past the room in which A is playing or eating. She even recognises my foot steps!! We have wooden flooring in the house. So the floor boards creak in some places. She can say that it’s me!!!

As for P. She is not that bad since she is grown up but she is so much more responsible when I’m not around. Every morning it’s such a fight to get her ready for school. Drink your milk, brush your teeth, change your clothes….. it’s a daily thing every morning. Recently I was away for a couple of days. And I hear that while I was not there madam P was ready before time and no one had to even tell her twice.

I so wish there was an easier way out of this. I know it’s an attention seeking tactic by the children. They feel like their comfort zone has come. But I wish it dint have to be so upsetting and difficult!

So while we moms brainstorm on how this condition can be best handled….. we have the following guidelines…..

My child is sick again :(

My child is sick again :(

It’s that time of the year again. Monsoon hits and so does the season of coughs, colds and flus. When the season changes here it’s terrible. Within 2 days the temperature has fallen 5 degrees Centigrade and the kids are all coughing and sneezing. Both P and A have caught it. First P caught the cold and had temperature for 2 days.As soon as she got better, A caught it. Along with becoming sick the kids also get cranky! Clingy! And want to do only mamma mamma all the time! So its tough. You want to get something done….. and your baby is clinging on to you screaming “godi mamma!!”

While I totally understand where its all coming from, there can be times when you wish they would just play for a while and be ok. It’s difficult to keep them occupied on their own. A just wont play on her own or even leave my side sometimes. Not even if we are in the same room or car. But there is one thing which can distract her…… a video on the phone or the TV. She will be crying her lungs out and tears will be rolling down her cute chubby cheeks….. but the second you ask her do you want to watch something? She forgets it all and quietly settles down on the sofa and watches. Although I’m not a big fan of using TV as my escape route, I am guilty of indulging sometimes. Especially when she is home all day and getting too clingy. (Or when I want to sleep in late…. shushhh!!)

There can be many other ways to keep her busy. She enjoys reading books, loves building legos, playing with kitchen set. But all these need your time and patience. Which, I will admit, I lack sometimes (patience that is). The age gap between my daughters (5 years) has ensured that I have been attending to an infant/ toddler for over 8 years now. I loose it sometimes and just feel like i want to get out of this phase asap. I literally count how many years before my toddler will go to school for longer hours and i can get free of this stuff. Phew!

Caring for a sick child can be difficult. Fortunately for me they both haven’t got very high temperatures. When the fever goes high it’s difficult to sit by their side and see them suffer. You keep measuring the temperature just hoping it won’t go that high again and…. there you are. The viral stays on for 3-5 days and you are helplessly staring at the child going through it. Here are some things

It’s one of biggest tortures for a mother I feel. Seeing their child suffer. But then it’s a part and parcel of parenthood. You signed up for all those sleepless nights and constant worrying once you decided to have a baby. I read this line somewhere…. “it’s like having your heart walk outside your body”.

New year at school

New year at school

And yes! In the middle of Mumbai and Bangkok happened P’s first sleepover at school. They had to carry sleeping bags to school and everyone from grade 3-12 was at school in a big big party. The kids were soooo excited. So was I! But I was also nervous. Coz in my past experiences with P going for sleepovers, I have always got a call in the middle of the night either to pick her up or saying that she can’t sleep. And I have had to talk her into going to sleep. So I was worried I’m going to get a call from her teacher saying that she is not able to sleep! It was also the first time I had gone without talking to her for more than 24 hours straight. At least knowing that I don’t have the option to. It was a new experience for me too. I woke up 2-3 times during the night thinking if she is sleeping peacefully or not. And the next day…. we all went as a family to the bus stop to pick her up. It was like we were welcoming her home after a long absence 😆. She was good! And happy! And sleep deprived 🙄 she said they slept at 12 and had to wake up by 6 coz they had to get ready, have breakfast and leave school by 8. But they had an awesome time. The kids had a complete ball and are anticipating that they are going to get to be awake till 2am next year!!

I like this little thing their school does. First whole week of the new academic year is of fun and activities and bonding with the new teacher and new peers. The kids get comfortable with each other and the teacher. And at the end of the week they have a carnival and sleepover in school. The kids simply freak out and have a party! They also get the senior students to build something new in the school campus. Year before last it was a climbing wall. Last year it was a tree house. I don’t know what’s new this year. When they send us the video we will know. It’s also new format for the 3rd graders this year. They don’t have an assistant teacher any more and neither is there any didi to assist them with lunch and washroom. Their classroom also always had an activity area and one main study area. Now from this year they don’t have an activity area and they have lockers to keep their books in. This is a whole new responsibility for them! They have to maintain their lockers and look after their keys. And also take care which books are where.

P is excited to take on these new responsibilities. Makes her feel more grown up. I’m sure the others too. Having a key which they have to take care of is like feeling important to them. I’m thinking I must start something at home also. Give her a new responsibility for something. Like this is your job. Let me see what she can take up. Will have a chat with her also.

But currently it’s all party time at home also. Bua and cousins are over and they just can’t get enough of each other. The house is a madhouse sometimes. P and one of her girls is the same age. The other being 6 yrs older. So P and cousin are inseparable and A has older cousin to keep her company. In fact 2 days ago it was Bua’s birthday and the 8 year olds planned a party with decorations and games. They wanted to plan the food also but finally gave in to our requests that we can handle that department. It was such a fun party. It was just us family but we enjoyed the games they made us play and the end was a double cartwheel show by them.

She also starts after school sports this year! Which means an extra 2 hours twice a week. Some are skeptical (mainly because of the additional hours) but I feel it’s the right age to introduce them to a sport. She is enthusiastic about badminton currently. But if I don’t fuel her enthusiasm it’s going to die down. I’m lucky her school is giving her the chance. It might help her to pick a sport at least as a hobby if not as a career.

What a performance!

What a performance!

In between Jaipur and Mumbai was P and my first Kathak performance together. It was the first time we were sharing a stage. Unfortunately we cudnt be in the same dance 😦 she was with her age group and I was with mine. It wasn’t possible for the dance school to put us together. Maybe some day we both can be together in the same dance.

It truly was a proud day. She has improved a lot since the last year and you could see it in the performance. The look on her face was totally different and I see the enthusiasm she had to go for her classes. She has completed 2 years in the dance school and it was not easy initially. There were times when she refused to go to class and I had to push her even though she was in tears. I kept telling her, this is like school and attendance is compulsory. I cannot do anything but send you. It’s not a choice. And I’m glad I did it.

Many would say at that time, if she is not liking it don’t send her. But I could see that it was not like she did not like it, it maybe was a bit boring at times because it’s classical dance. I have been there and done that. I was 6 when I started learning Kathak and I know that it can get boring. Bollywood or folk dance is more exciting because it is fast paced and there are words expressing you. Here there are no words when you are learning the ‘tukdas’. So yes…… it needs a push. And the children need that push from their parents.

She had started learning guitar also but I could clearly see that she was not liking it. She would just sit in the class not budging while the poor sir would keep telling her to play. There I could see that she has no interest whatsoever. It was no point pushing her.

I have seen parents around who say lets make the children do what they like. Let’s not force them. True. That should be. But at the age of 6 & 7 they really don’t know what’s good and bad for them. We as parents have to think for them. We have to visualise what they will want to do in life and what not. Will they be the kind who will dance or sing or paint or play some sport? Which of these suits their personality? Which one will they be able to cope with along with school and studies? While doing that activity now does it bring an excitement in the child?

Think and make the right choices. It’s the choices we make now which will influence them later in life. It’s how seriously we take it, will influence how seriously they take it. I can say…. oh big deal if she doesn’t learn this maybe something else, or sometime else. But it is a big deal. Let them early on understand the meaning of commitment to something. And I feel this age of 8-10 years is perfect to start teaching them that. They will thank you later for that.

Holidays have been hectic

Holidays have been hectic

We’ve been in and out of town since 5th April. Back to back 3 holidays. All of different kinds.

First it was a couple of days in Gurgaon at bua’s and then four days in Jaipur. A relaxed 5 star retreat in complete luxury. We dint move out of the hotel at all. The Oberoi Rajvilas is a fantastic property with 150 species of birds in the property. There were dancing peacocks all around which the kids thoroughly enjoyed. We did swimming and many other activities in the hotel including a small treasure hunt made by the hotel staff. We also saw the palace and Amer Fort light and sound show, which is not to be missed!

A week in Bangalore and we were off to Nani house in Mumbai. We were there for a little less than a month. That was a mixture of activities. A farm stay, kidzania, Aladdin musical, the beach among other things. As usual the girls had an awesome time with their Abhi bhaiya. It was some play and a LOT of fighting. He being 5 years older than P, would tease her all the time and she would be irritated and crying. And then he would equally want to play as much with her. Come to the park, let’s go cycling and play this and play that. He totally adores his sisters and misses them a lot. Unfortunately we don’t live in the same city :(. Anyway… all in all it was a great holiday. Mumbai with all its heat and sweat and dust is still the vibrant city. It never fails to steal your heart. It’s like saying you can take a person out of Mumbai but you can’t take Mumbai out of a person. It’s always Amchi Mumbai ( translated to “Our Mumbai”)

And then came the most fun of them all. We went for a short trip to Bangkok for 5 days. Papa had a 2 day summit to attend there so he took us all along. Although it was P’s first week of school (second technically but they start studies only in the second week), I took the liberty of taking her along. The girls were super excited to go. It was A’s first trip abroad and P’s third, not that she remembers the first 2 😜.

We had taken a serviced suite there with a kitchenette since I would have to cook for Papa dear. He is on a restricted diet due to some allergies. So eating out was ruled out. It was on this trip I realised how much P actually thought about me. Whether it was helping me peel, chop or help with A, she was willing to help in any way she could. She asked me a few times if I would like to use the Spa ( she saw that the hotel offered a spa). I said I couldn’t because I dint have anyone to leave you girls with since Papa is out for work. She even offered to wait outside the spa for however much time I used it! When I told her I can’t leave u girls like that she was upset and said Ma it’s your holiday too. Even you should be able to do the things you like. Why do you only have to do things for us all the time? I had no answer to give her. It was logistically impossible for me this time. I had no one to leave them with. And she would not understand that leaving them both alone might not be safe. Bottom line is she was so thoughtful!! ( I usually don’t experience thoughtfulness from her)

I do strongly believe, if you do have the option you MUST take time out for ‘me’ time and do your thing. It’s important to maintain your sanity. Especially when you have 2 or more where you’re spending half the time being a referee.

Anyway…. back to Bangkok where I realised my 8 year old is growing up. She is starting to understand things around her and watching and observing and absorbing. She is also starting to form her own opinions on how things should be. I’m not the kind who treats my children like they are very mature. I want to keep their innocence till it’s possible because, after all, they to be grown ups for major part of their lives. I don’t take them for grown up movies or expose them to regular television. So yes… now I’m starting to realise how much my baby is growing up.

I can say I do pamper them in that sense. A is too small but P is old enough to do some chores around the house. Basic being cleaning up. Although I do push for that and keep on re iterating that I will not tolerate your things lying anywhere around the house or just scrambled on the floor. But she leaves it like that more often than not. I’m trying but she seems like she doesn’t care. I think she gets it from her dad. Not closing boxes and drawers after removing things and leaving things on the floor after looking for something. 🤔 However much I push, nothing works. I’ve even gone to the extent of throwing her things in the dustbin. But she is ok for 1-2 days and back to square one.

For the past few days I’m trying to be completely intolerant. If I find anything around I call her and make her put it back. I guess she will learn slowly but I do hope that slowly is soon. It gets on my nerves sometimes as to how she can forget it each and every time. Just how? When I tell her the same thing at least twice in a day. Sometimes even more. How difficult is it to push the drawer back in or just zip up the pouch again? I’m being patient and hoping this will change soon. As for A, she is another stubborn kid. Won’t even budge if I tell her to wind up 😢

Let’s take a Vacation!!

Let’s take a Vacation!!

Don’t we all really love that. Let’s take a vacation!! It’s summer holiday time. Take time off work , lock up the house and go away for a few days. Personally, I LOVE it!!!! Go see a new place. Enjoy with family. Bond with the kids. Experience new things. And make lots and lots of lovely memories. So that one day, when life is not all that great we can look back and say, I’m so glad I’ve already done this.

People do give priority to work many times. They “think” that they really can’t get out right now coz this thing is coming up or there is that important client or a blah blah blah. Yes…. that’s what I think it is. BLAH! Your kids are never going to be this age again. You are never going to be this age again. Thank God you are physically fit. Coz you might not be this way always. Take a break to keep your mental sanity. Taking a break will help you to unwind and come back work with more vigour. So take every opportunity and make it happen. Promise yourself that at least once a year you will take a good break to a new place with your kids. You won’t regret it.

I have plenty of memories from my childhood. We went on an annual holiday every summer. And a few other trips during the year. They were the most amazing times of my life. No tensions… nothing. Just go on the holiday and enjoy. I want that for my kids too. I’m trying but the annual holiday trend has not picked up yet. My A is a bit small. Once she is old enough to eat out and ok to skip her naps… then I’d be more comfortable traveling with her. In the meanwhile we will do with small weekend breaks here and there.

It’s so important to choose a destination where you will be confident that your kids will be comfortable. And most important of all that they will enjoy. It’s no point going to the beach if your child hates the sand. Off late I have noticed that P is liking seeing old temples and palaces. We have seen a few in the past year and it really interests her. So the last weekend we went to Jaipur we made it a point to take her to the palace and the fort there (btw the light and sound show at Amer fort is really awesome. A must watch!) we missed going to Jantar Mantar. Although I know P was really keen for it. Stars and planets interest her. We had just made a mini sun dial at home just when the holidays had started. She really wanted to see the real one 😦 we missed the timing and it shut down by the time we reached.

We stayed at Oberoi Rajvilas for a couple days at Jaipur. There were several peacocks and peahens dancing around the campus. There were lots of other birds around too. The property has a 300 year old temple inside. It was built around it 20 years ago. It’s simply beautiful. The point is….. those 2 days we only stayed there. We swam, we walked around, did some local activities which the resort organised and relaxed. The kids bathed in the sunken bathtub. It was just 2 days of pure fun. And then we moved to trident in the city and went to the palace etc that day. We planned in such a way that we could accommodate activities suiting both the kids, given their age gap.

So just plan and take off. Have a fun time and chill! Forget about all those meetings and clients. They will still be there when you get back. But this time won’t.

Commit the crime but don’t get caught

Commit the crime but don’t get caught

It’s disgusting and disturbing to see the number rapes on little girls , not that rape on women is any better!! But you just feel like what kind of monsters must they be who can put a little girl through so much pain. My P is as old as Asifa. I cannot think of leaving my daughter alone for even a minute, lest what might happen to her. Who is lurking around the corner to pick up my angel and harm her? It’s getting to the point of paranoia. I have male help at home and I don’t feel safe leaving my daughter there too. I mean what kind of a world are we living in that our girls cannot feel safe in their own homes.

Then there are people who point out that it’s usually the woman’s fault when she gets raped. She must wearing small clothes or must be looking at men a certain way. (What can an 8year old wear to entice a man!!) Then others say that the internet and free porn are to blame. Some other people say that the women need to be shown “their place” because she spoke up about something or did something which is not “supposed” to be done by women. Then people also blame the government for not having strict laws and punishments. (Well what do I say, some will blame the government even if kaamwali bai doesn’t turn up)

I agree laws and enforcement are to be worked upon. And I agree that stricter punishments would definitely make men think twice before they do anything. But then who does it with the intention of being caught? But don’t people want to remove the root cause of this? It’s like giving an allopathic treatment when you know homeopathy can cure you from the root.

People protest and hold candle marches against the government. Why dont they protest against the men and women who are responsible for raising such a man. Why not against the society where these men are raised and live in? They say we do it so that people in power listen. What about all those mothers and fathers who taught their sons that they are more superior to women. Yes. I not only blame the patriarchy but also the women in our society.

Women most often put down other women. Power struggles among women for the men of the house often end up in the weaker one being punished by the man. This teaches the man and the sons of the house that women should behave in their so called limits otherwise they should be shown their right place. Women are sex toys and baby making machines. Or should I say BOY making machines. Unless the society changes nothing will change.

We can have stricter laws but it will only tell the perpetrators…. commit the crime but don’t get caught. It will never reach them that what they did was wrong or teach other men that they shouldn’t do it because it’s morally incorrect.

I don’t know how to start this. But only by spreading the word or by changing the society will this change. Just like Prime Minister Modi screaming swachch bharat abhiyan, we cannot have clean streets. Is there any way we can educate? The culture has to change. The society has to change. We as parents have to make the change.

PS. I couldn’t find an image which portrays the true position of women in our society.

It’s time for summer holidays!

It’s time for summer holidays!

It’s that time of the year again! Summer holidays! For many parents it’s kind of like…. OMG what am I supposed to do with the kids now!! We start looking for Summer camps and various classes to keep our kids busy. We start packing their schedule like school days so that they are kept busy.

I think it’s nice if we can teach them a new sport or a musical instrument… something. But I don’t believe in packing their schedule. Maybe 1 class a day which can keep them busy for a couple of hours. I feel let them also feel that it’s holidays. Let them think of activities to keep themselves busy at home. Let them be at home through the holidays so that they also know what holidays really means. Let them be bored! It gives them time to think. To reflect. Of course i guess only kids above 7-8 can do that. But it can be nice.

For me I actually don’t have too many days here. Firstly P’s school has shorter holidays than other schools. 1.5 month. Out of that 3-4 weeks are spent in Nani house in Mumbai. The balance time we try to take a short trip somewhere. Maybe bua’s house in Gurgaon with some place else. So we have a week of traveling ahead , then 1 week in Bangalore and then 3 weeks in Mumbai. By the time we get back it will almost be time for school to re open. So we r kind of sorted 😃

Although there are a couple of things which I think should be regular holiday activity. First should be clean up of play room and second clean up of kids room. Their clothes and toys. Donate what you don’t need. Especially school supplies. Coz with the new academic year ahead, I’m sure there will be kids who will need that stuff. (I like to donate it to Goonj) I had that in mind when holidays were starting but we made a sudden travel plan so I guess it’s kind of on the shelf for now. Although P is keen. So let’s see. Might do it in one of the days in the week in between.

For P’s age I can find some activities and put her in. But what about A’s age? She is only 3. It’s quite difficult to keep them engaged at home. We have to be on our toes all the time to do something with them. I know people at this age are also tempted to put them in summer camps so that they can be out for 2-3 hours and their schedule is set. Personally…. I’m not a fan of putting them in summer camp so early on. I prefer if they can go on play dates or we take them to indoor play areas or simply let them play at home. I know it’s additional work. But try na… Camps after 4-5 years of age is ok. The little ones need to be at home.

If you run out of ideas to keep them busy , u can just go to Pinterest and look for ideas. That’s the best treasure trove of ideas. I see so many people picking up ideas and then posting them as their own 😉 and then people go like WOW!!! How creative! But seriously you can find some really really interesting stuff there.

The best thing you can do of course is take a family vacation. It’s such a lovely time for parents and children to bond. Or even extended family like grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. Once kids are 7-8 years of age they kind of start forming memories. Now is the time they will start remembering things when they grow up. These are some of the best memories I have of my childhood. All the lovely places my parents took us to.

So start off now! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! (And eat lots of ice cream in the heat!)

Success

Success

Last week I heard of a young girl committing suicide. She was 14 and went to a CBSE board school. She hanged herself from the fan in her room. That’s how her parents found her. They were caught completely unawares, because apparently she was a very bubbly girl and they did not expect her to be pressurised by studies and stuff. I heard she took this step because she could not handle the pressure. Was it from school or was it from home ? I don’t know the whole story. But this isn’t the first time we have heard this. (I was also told that another child from the same school had taken this drastic step just 15 days earlier)

Every few days we hear of teenagers committing suicide either because they could not handle the pressure of studies or because they dint get good marks in their exams. Isn’t this a pitiable state? It’s just so sad to see such young lives lost for such a petty thing. You might say marks are not petty. Your future in college depends on it. I agree. But is it more important than peace of mind and most of all the life of your child? A lot of successful people around are uneducated or not very highly educated. It’s ok. And being a little less successful (that really depends on what your definition of success is) is not harmful at all. As long as you are happy.

So what really is defined as success? When I googled it showed me “accomplishment of an aim or purpose”. That’s it. That’s the simple definition of success. Now the aim or purpose is what matters. We all have our own views of what our aims are. Someone wants to be a successful businessman, someone lawyer, someone Doctor, software engineer etc etc and the list goes on. But does anyone think what our real success would be?

For me being successful means being in a life which is happy. I might have lesser money than my friend. I might not go on international holidays ( or any holidays). I might not own the LVs and Guccis. But I have my family who loves me. I have a comfortable house to live in and food on my table everyday. As an addition to that I have domestic help to help me with my cooking and cleaning.

The one thing people are fooled by probably is a job which pays very well. Many times people are caught up in jobs which they don’t like at all. But they continue because they are in a rat race. A race to earn better than a friend. Or to go to better destinations than their friend or own a bigger car. But they are not happy. Then why go through all the pain. Why not do something that you love. Won’t you do it much better? We have one life. Let’s live it happily. Not be fooled by these silly definitions of happiness being money.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for a good education. Given the circumstances I will send my children to the best of colleges and universities. But I have to keep my child’s potential in mind for that. I have to be the judge of what my child is capable of and how much can she handle. I agree I need to motivate her. But there is a difference in motivating and pressurising. It is a thin line but I must recognise it. We must choose our words and tone carefully when we talk about these things.

And yes…. we must talk. Always keep the channels of communication open with your children. If they have a problem they must know they can trust you and tell you about it. Figure out ways in which you can talk to your children to help them open up. I agree that teenagers can sometimes be a tough nut to crack. But I feel if we keep those channels open from a young age then they will come to you even when they are older. I don’t know…. I havnt experienced that yet so maybe when I get there in a few years I’ll know more.

Well I won’t blame the parents completely. Isn’t the education system in our country a little wonky. Like how do I say…. more stress on books and theory rather than practical and application. Score good marks and only then you can get into a good college! Some colleges have a 99% cut off for admission. Like really??? Don’t you think the real challenge of a good college should be to make weak students brighter? If the students are already bright (rather should I say brightest!! Like 99%????) then all they have to do is put the study material in front of them and they can clear the exams anyway. I can bet on it that regular commerce graduates are not worth a penny in today’s world. And can get only meagre clerical jobs. So …. yes, in my opinion our system also needs to change.

So be careful people. Of what you say and how you say to your children. And keep them safe….

They fight and they make up…. just like that

They fight and they make up…. just like that

When we were making the birthday guest list, P gave me 7 names. Yes…. 7. Out of 23 kids in her class she gave me only 7! I kept telling her, add some more but she was like, that’s it. A couple of weeks passed. The invitations were out and I had received most rsvps. P comes and tells me ‘Ma don’t invite that boy for my birthday’ and I was like I already did and his mom has confirmed his presence. There is nothing I can do now. She said tell her not to come. And I said P that’s rude. I can’t do that. If I have already invited someone I cannot say no to them. What’s the matter? Did you have a fight with him? She said something which I couldn’t figure out. Then she thought for a few minutes and said. ‘Ok Ma , it’s fine if he comes. I’ll handle it’. And it was all cool. I even asked her a couple of days after that if everything was cool between him and her and she said ya all good. He can come for my birthday. He came and they all had a great time!

It just amazed me how quickly these kids can forgive and forget. A quality we adults don’t have. We will hate a person. We will hold grudges. We will not talk properly to someone for years. Sometimes even cut off that person from our lives. You might say life issues are bigger than childhood tiffs. They sure are…. but if we learn to forgive…. life would be simpler for us all. You forgive someone and it will lighten up your heart so much. It’s like a load off your chest. Try it. Even I have held grudges for years. Slowly when I realised that they are pointless after such a long time, I let go. And trust me, it feels awesome. I might have held on to them for the wrong reasons anyway.

Forgiving is not easy. Your memories don’t just erase the second you think about it. I wish it were that easy. To press a delete button and the memory would be made free to over write. Or maybe even format my brain to start all over again. But it’s not. So we have to think of ways to be able to tackle it. To “make the memory free to over write”. You have to make yourself believe that the person is forgivable now. Maybe even make yourself believe that what that person did to you was not that bad at all. It’s you who is making it look that bad. Try looking at it from a different angle. It might change your perspective completely.

I came across a therapy once in which the therapist would cut cords of attachment between you and some other person in your life dead or alive. These are all cords formed through the energies you exchange with that person. So the cords contain “stuff” which are unpleasant energies stored in it during some particular interaction with that person. The therapy believes that once the cord is cut it allows you to move on and not be stuck mentally and held back due to that “stuff”.

Forgiving kind of works the same way.