We havnt been in Bangalore for the past 2 christmases. We went to nani house in Mumbai and P was always upset because she dint get to get gifts from her Santa at home. So darling Abhi bhaiya broke the news to her last year that Santa is fictional and it’s your parents who give the gifts 🙄. Well…. it took her some time to digest that and she kept asking me for a few days whether it really was true. Finally she understood. So this year we decided to get a bigger tree. I told her we can get it once Christmas holidays start. But she did not have the patience to wait and put up a tree so she finally said it’s ok… we will just use the old tree 😆 I was more than happy with the idea. So up went the old tree and the Christmas ornaments. She and A hung up the ornaments while some carols played on the iPad.

2 days ago she told me…. I’m going to leave a letter for Santa. Will you promise me that he will reply to me? Of course I had to promise…. like I had a choice. And then I told her but you havnt given the list of things you want. What should Santa get you. She thought and came up with the following

1. A new bottle of slime

2. Seeds to plant my own plants!

How could I say no to that! And then I also had to think what to get for A. The easiest was sticker books! She is completely sticker crazy. So Sunday afternoon I went off to buy the gifts. To my great relief the slime was out of stock. So I bought her an origami book and a story book instead. Some carrot seeds and some flower seeds as well.

Before she went to bed on Christmas Eve she told me I have kept something next to the Christmas tree. Not on the table….but NEXT to it. So don’t miss it. When I went to place the gifts 👇🏼 is what I found there! Sure made my Christmas merry!!

As for A. When she woke up in the morning and I told her that Santa has got her gift… she stared at me with such a blank expression. Had to take her and show her the gift. She looked like she dint know what to do with it. When I opened the gift and gave her the sticker books…. she was completely overjoyed! So nice to see the little smiles with such simple gifts. Children don’t care whether the gifts are expensive or cheap. Or big or small. They only know that they got a gift. That’s what’s most meaningful. It just tells them somebody cares. In this case P already knew it’s her parents. Maybe next 3-4 years A will believe it’s Santa (that’s if P can keep the secret from her) eventually she will know too. Just the thought that my parents cared to give me a gift is special enough for them. These are the feelings which grow into care and compassion in them. As they grow older they too learn to care and make things special for people around them. I hope we can keep up this feeling of sharing and caring among us. It makes us feel closer as a family and keeps us bound together.

It was my birthday a few days ago. Being a weekday, it was one of the regular days. Wake up early morning, send the older to school. Then wait till younger wakes up and send her to school. And then there was a load of work to be done that day. So it was a pretty busy day.

I had reminded P the previous night that it’s my birthday tomorrow but I guess it slipped out of her mind in the morning. When I told A that it’s mamma’s birthday today she said “kahan hai mamma ka birthday? Anu jaa rahi hai kya?” 🤣 for her a birthday is only going to birthday party and eating cake! She obviously doesn’t understand the concept of birth and being born into this world on a particular day. So I told her yes…. we will have the party at home…. 😂

As for P… when I reminded her again after she got back from school…. she became a bundle of excitement. All of a sudden she had some plans up her sleeves and started running around thinking what she should do and what she should gift me. She asked me where my craft stuff was kept. She opened it and took out a few items and gift wrapped them for me. She made a card and some other stuff you can see in the pictures. She served me dinner and made me sit on a throne! And laid out my night clothes and toothbrush and paste in the bathroom for me to use. I surprised at how thoughtful she was and how she wanted everything to be special for me even though it was just another week day. In fact it was one of the busier days for me and I had been in and out of the house the entire day. So when I came back in the evening these amazing things were all ready and waiting for me to indulge in. She did everything she could do on her own and completely made my day.

It’s not about how big the celebration is, it’s how special it is. Having a big party etc is just for our adult ego satisfaction. Kids don’t care about all that. I have been guilty of indulging in the past. As I have to start planning for their birthday (P is on 14th Feb And A on 15th Feb 😃 so I have to plan only 1!!!) I was wondering how should I balance. How should I invite the maximum people and still make it a small affair? Coz you know…. my kids don’t care if it’s a small party. They just want to enjoy with their friends. But I have to invite these people because of my social commitments. I ask P for a list of her friends she wants to invite and I realise it’s half the number that I want to invite. And I’m like please give me more names! I can’t call only 7! And then 25% won’t turn up so only 5!!!! Then count A’s And that’s like 5-8. And then I realise that both their friends put together are equal to the number I want to invite 🤪

I’m still figuring how to make it smaller….

P was home all of last week with fever and cough. So she made me promise her that I would make her a treasure hunt on the weekend. Unfortunately the weekend came and went and I just couldn’t do it. So Monday morning I promised I’d make it before she was back from school, forgetting that I had a meeting in the afternoon and I won’t be home when she comes home! So before I left I made it and hid all the clues and gave a note and the first clue to the maid and left. So when I got back home I had a smiling all thankful sweetie pie who was sooo happy to do the hunt.

So today, something happened and she was upset with me and crying in the bedroom…. and I was annoyed with her so I was in the other room. After 5 minutes I see the room door open a crack, and she is peeping out at me smiling! And I’m like what happened? From tears to smiles! How did that happen? And she just smiled and said I have a surprise for you that will cheer you up. And then…. I was all smiles. Ten minutes later she handed me a chit and said “here… I made you a treasure hunt”

So there were a few clues and a small gift in the end! And the gift had to do with craft with a piece of thermocol and ribbon and some gold paper. And there was a gift she made for Papa and me on children’s day at school. It was thrilling to untie that ribbon and see what the stuff was. And there were 3 different chits with “I love you” written on them and she was jumping like a rabbit in excitement when I opened it.

These kids can get over things so fast! It took her all of 5 minutes to forget that we had just argued over something and I had left the room because she wouldn’t listen to me. Instead of sulking about it she chose to find a way to cheer me up! How I wish we adults could also be that way. Forgive and forget. We often hold grudges against people because “she said this” and “he did that”. But we don’t think of ways how we can make things better. Maybe if we put a little thought into how can we make our relationships better… the world would be a better place to live in. Of course it has to work both ways. “taali ek haath se to nahin bajti”

We have a special guest tonight who will tell us all about colourful feathers and the birds eye view.  Please welcome Blue and Yellow Macau from the Mysore Zoo. We shall be spending the next 48 hours talking and asking questions. 

These two have been sitting on my sofa deep in conversation since 2 days. And I dare disturb them!  Now finally they have moved from that sofa to the other sofa and are watching Kung Fu Panda 2 comfortably cuddled in P’s lap. 

Have you ever had those times when your child keeps some toys in a certain place and says…. “tell everyone in the house that they are not supposed to move this” “Isko koi nahin uthaega” And then I’m made to give instructions to each and every member of the family and staff.  I’ve had a boat (it was a dry fruit dish usurped from me) with Pooh, Tigger And Eyore sailing in it for several months. They went around the world!! 

P is a pretend play queen (I feel so) She can play and play and play. She makes her own settings and has extensive dialogues. She does double roles and her soft toys are her play mates. Since A is still a little small to do role play. She still manages to get A to do stuff sometimes. So once they created a restaurant in their playroom. P was the manager and the one who takes the order. And A was the cook and waiter. As per P’s instructions she would go into the kitchen and bring the order. There were tables and chairs and toy cutlery for us. After the food was over A even made us wash our hands with a jug of water and a bowl (of course the water was imaginary ). 

It’s fun watching them. Just let them play without any tv or gadgets and you will be surprised at what all they can come up with. These are truly the best days of their lives. Minimum tension. Less studies, no stress of money or work, who cares about the house, someone will worry about my food, the list is endless. I say YOU enjoy it as much as you can. Work will always be there…. but take out some time for these little bundles of innocent joy. These memories can only be made once. They will never be the same age again. 

There are numerous times A and P fight like they will eat up each other. A is very smart and extremely stubborn and bossy! P on the other hand is bossy too but sometimes lands up getting almost bullied by A. Because A will first take something from her, then not give it back and then claim it’s her own! Poor P keeps telling her give it back, but she just simply won’t. Sounds familiar? I’m sure all parents with 2 or more children go through this. Whatever the age gap, siblings fight. Period. And there is no ONE method to solve these issues. 

If you take the younger ones side, the older one starts crying and starts emotional blackmail like “you always take her side”. And if you take the older ones side….there is no point. Coz A at 2.9 is just too young to understand anything. And staying out doesn’t help either. Today they were in one such fight and I chose to sit silently and watch. 5 minutes….. 10 minutes and they were still at it! That’s when I thought I got to do something or it’s never going to end. Most of the times the fight is because A will take something from P and P is trying to get it back…… or P and A playing together and P doesn’t agree with A playing with a certain thing and takes it from her. Usually in the latter situation A will snatch it back and P will be fighting with her to give it. So ultimately P is fighting to get something from A. 

Today we were in the second situation. So P had to be told the usuals…. leave it…. she doesn’t understand…. she is too young. But more often than not A will give it if P talks properly to her and asks for it gently. So I asked her to try that and….. there it was. A happily gave it to P and it was all sorted. 

Then there are times when they play with each other so beautifully that you will think wow! These sisters bond so well! In this matter P takes good leads. If someday I want to sleep in late or if no one is there to watch them while I do something , P will take her away and make her play. She reads to her too so they both get some good bonding time.  

I have realised one thing over these 7.9 years of parenting ….. talking gently helps. It can calm down a sibling fight. It can calm down an upset child. It can definitely help you get your way with your child. I know this… through experience…. but I still loose it 😔 Every time I do it, again I promise myself I won’t. I have improved a lot over the past years. But there is still room for more. I have to repeat to myself time and again…. they are just little kids…. still trying to understand the world and more than that… trying to understand themselves and their emotions. Give them more time. 

If I talk calmly to them I can teach them to also talk calmly to each other. Then maybe they won’t fight that much (I’m getting my hopes high on that one!) or maybe it will help them resolve their fights better. So let’s try to talk calmly…… everyday….. every time ( even though I might feel like tearing out my hair from within)

Today P suddenly came up to me and asked me “mamma what’s our soul?” After I explained the best I could, she told me her yoga mam has said you must feed your soul. And the best way to do that is meditation. We were in the car back from her gym class when she said this. Her current favourite song was playing on the radio. And she said I want to meditate right now. Shut the music. She said mam has said we must sit quietly and listen to the sounds of nature (I was thinking… all you’re going to hear in this traffic is horns blaring and cars moving) so she sat in the back seat and started meditating right there. 

Got me thinking… how much food do we actually give our souls? It was nice to know that the school is trying to inculcate these things in children’s lives so early. Once they grow up they have to deal with so much stress. Meditation can definitely help one cope. Not that I meditate. Her grandfather is big time into vipassana and that’s one of the reasons he is so cool headed.

My way of feeding my soul is doing a hobby. I used to paint, then it was craft work for a few years and now it’s dancing. These are my soul foods. (May I add a couple of episodes of Friends)

Wishing everyone a happy Halloween! Halloween is celebrated in the west as All Hallows’ eve (translated to all saints eve). 1st November is All Saints Day. It is said that people would dress up in scary outfits to scare away evil spirits which come and roam the earth on this evening. Others also believe that the spirits of their ancestors come down on this day and they leave a plate of food outside their homes for them. Various regions various beliefs.

But why do we, as Indians, celebrate Halloween? Well….. because American retail found another way to commercialise and earn money and we Indians love to ape the west! But no offence… the kids enjoy 😊 dressing up scary and doing weird things. And of course…. how can we forget the trick or treating. The loads and loads of sweets and chocolates (called Candy in American English) they get are enough to last them the year! 

So P also wanted to dress up.  I ordered a rented costume online. But as always I have super duper bad luck with online shopping. The size was too big for her and the costume was not that impressive. So last minute I had to run to a nearby costume shop and rent out some witch stuff for her. Did her make up and sent her to her cousins apartment for trick or treating. You know what…. we should remove that word “trick” from that phrase. All that is left in this commercial world of Halloween is the treat! No tricks! So yes….she went “treating” there and collected a bunch of sweets and chocolates (no I will not call it candy because I’m not American)

It was fun seeing all the cousins and friends pictures as they dressed up for the treating. Thank you America for giving us another reason to party 😃

A couple of days back I burnt my thumb in the kitchen. When A saw me with my thumb in ice and covered with medicine she asked me what happened. I said I hurt myself and hurts a lot. She said “koi baat nahin mamma. Theek ho jayega ” she said it with such conviction and confidence that I had to believe her (even though it seemed like it was still on fire after 3 hours in ice). After some time she again came to me and asked “mamma theek ho gaya kya?” When I said no she told me show it to her and she gave me a little kissie on my thumb “ab theek ho jayega” .Every couple of hours she kept checking on me and even the next morning she asked me if it’s ok now! 

Every child has their own personality. While A at 2.7 years kept so much care of me, P just asked me a couple of times if it was ok and the next day it was forgotten 😄 I can’t expect P to be the same way because I know she just isn’t like that. It’s not in her nature to be very caring about anyone. You can even make that out in the way they hug me. A has a wholesome warm hug and she will hold on to me tight. Whereas P has a pretty casual hug. 

Just like in adults we can see different personalities, the same way we see them in little kids. They are all different and they all like different things and want to do different things. And as parents we must understand and support our children in the decisions they make. However big or small. I’d love to become a parent who can accept my children for who they are and not for what I want them to be. It’s difficult. God knows it is!!! But it’s not impossible. Our upbringing, our culture, our society( and if I may say Facebook and parenting books/blogs)… have set some norms. What a person should ideally be. But then let’s be realistic…. we live in a real world. Not an ideal world. I’m going to try my best. I hope you do too…..

This is coming after a loooong break (don’t even get me started on why the break). I want to wish everyone a very very happy Diwali and a prosperous year ahead. 

We pray to Lord Ganesh and Goddess Laxmi to bring prosperity to our house. We invite Laxmiji to bless us with money and Ganeshji to remove all obstacles and bless us with intelligence. 

Diwali is also symbolic of the victory of good over evil. The day when Lord Ram came back to Ayodhya after defeating the demon Ravan. And also after completing 14 years in exile. It’s a symbol of the ideal son who renounced his royal life to keep his fathers promise. Symbolic of his wife and younger brother who went into exile with him because they loved him so much. People always say , give the example of Ram if you want to show what an ideal son and ruler should be. 

What about the husband aspect? Sorry about bringing some feminism into this. But for me he was not the ideal human being. Coz he couldn’t really be the ideal husband. Yes, he did fight a huge battle to bring back his wife but what after that? Agni pariksha? And then banishing her from his kingdom because of what a dhobi said? I’m not an expert on scriptures but that’s what the common story says right? That’s what you teach your son not to do. 

Let’s pray we can bring up our children free from all inhibitions and stereotypes. Let’s bring up our children as individuals and not girls or boys. Let’s teach them life skills alike. Let them both learn to cook and do laundry. Let them both be independent mentally and financially. Let’s teach our children that people will talk irrespective of what you do. “People are never happy”. So always do what your heart tells you to do. Put your mind and soul into your dreams. And then nothing can stop you from what you want to be. Believe in yourself. 

Today we were all at the dining table and P kept trying to say something. In the middle of me talking to papa. I had to keep telling wait till I finish. And she kept saying and then making a face when I asked her to wait. Well… I have told her many times when I’m speaking to someone else don’t talk in the middle. Wait for me to finish. But she is always so impatient to say what she has to. Sometimes I have to break off my conversation with the other person to listen to her. It can be annoying at times. But I have to do it. Because I don’t want my daughter to think that I don’t want to hear what she has to say. 

I’ve come across this time again that be good listeners to your children. They will open up to you on their own. If you don’t listen to their small things now they won’t tell you the big things later. You got to make a comfort level where they feel ok to come and say anything and everything to you. 

It’s a thin line between being their friend and being strict about things. And it’s tough…. coz sometimes you just don’t know where to draw that line. She tells me something that’s not appropriate for her age. How do I stop her? I just need to feed her curiosity. Tell her something which is logical and understandable for her age and close the matter. She must be clear with her doubt but also know just what’s ok for her to know. I also need to tell her that she shouldn’t be talking about certain things at this age. But if I tell her that… will she come back to me the next time she thinks about something like that. It’s confusing. 

So listen. Listen to all their little senseless talks. Not only because you want to be their friend. Also because these times will not come back again. Their cute innocent words will be missed when they grow older and start to talk on more serious matters. Or like most parents of teens experience…. not talk at all!! Enjoy it till it lasts.