Don’t we all really love that. Let’s take a vacation!! It’s summer holiday time. Take time off work , lock up the house and go away for a few days. Personally, I LOVE it!!!! Go see a new place. Enjoy with family. Bond with the kids. Experience new things. And make lots and lots of lovely memories. So that one day, when life is not all that great we can look back and say, I’m so glad I’ve already done this.

People do give priority to work many times. They “think” that they really can’t get out right now coz this thing is coming up or there is that important client or a blah blah blah. Yes…. that’s what I think it is. BLAH! Your kids are never going to be this age again. You are never going to be this age again. Thank God you are physically fit. Coz you might not be this way always. Take a break to keep your mental sanity. Taking a break will help you to unwind and come back work with more vigour. So take every opportunity and make it happen. Promise yourself that at least once a year you will take a good break to a new place with your kids. You won’t regret it.

I have plenty of memories from my childhood. We went on an annual holiday every summer. And a few other trips during the year. They were the most amazing times of my life. No tensions… nothing. Just go on the holiday and enjoy. I want that for my kids too. I’m trying but the annual holiday trend has not picked up yet. My A is a bit small. Once she is old enough to eat out and ok to skip her naps… then I’d be more comfortable traveling with her. In the meanwhile we will do with small weekend breaks here and there.

It’s so important to choose a destination where you will be confident that your kids will be comfortable. And most important of all that they will enjoy. It’s no point going to the beach if your child hates the sand. Off late I have noticed that P is liking seeing old temples and palaces. We have seen a few in the past year and it really interests her. So the last weekend we went to Jaipur we made it a point to take her to the palace and the fort there (btw the light and sound show at Amer fort is really awesome. A must watch!) we missed going to Jantar Mantar. Although I know P was really keen for it. Stars and planets interest her. We had just made a mini sun dial at home just when the holidays had started. She really wanted to see the real one 😦 we missed the timing and it shut down by the time we reached.

We stayed at Oberoi Rajvilas for a couple days at Jaipur. There were several peacocks and peahens dancing around the campus. There were lots of other birds around too. The property has a 300 year old temple inside. It was built around it 20 years ago. It’s simply beautiful. The point is….. those 2 days we only stayed there. We swam, we walked around, did some local activities which the resort organised and relaxed. The kids bathed in the sunken bathtub. It was just 2 days of pure fun. And then we moved to trident in the city and went to the palace etc that day. We planned in such a way that we could accommodate activities suiting both the kids, given their age gap.

So just plan and take off. Have a fun time and chill! Forget about all those meetings and clients. They will still be there when you get back. But this time won’t.

It’s disgusting and disturbing to see the number rapes on little girls , not that rape on women is any better!! But you just feel like what kind of monsters must they be who can put a little girl through so much pain. My P is as old as Asifa. I cannot think of leaving my daughter alone for even a minute, lest what might happen to her. Who is lurking around the corner to pick up my angel and harm her? It’s getting to the point of paranoia. I have male help at home and I don’t feel safe leaving my daughter there too. I mean what kind of a world are we living in that our girls cannot feel safe in their own homes.

Then there are people who point out that it’s usually the woman’s fault when she gets raped. She must wearing small clothes or must be looking at men a certain way. (What can an 8year old wear to entice a man!!) Then others say that the internet and free porn are to blame. Some other people say that the women need to be shown “their place” because she spoke up about something or did something which is not “supposed” to be done by women. Then people also blame the government for not having strict laws and punishments. (Well what do I say, some will blame the government even if kaamwali bai doesn’t turn up)

I agree laws and enforcement are to be worked upon. And I agree that stricter punishments would definitely make men think twice before they do anything. But then who does it with the intention of being caught? But don’t people want to remove the root cause of this? It’s like giving an allopathic treatment when you know homeopathy can cure you from the root.

People protest and hold candle marches against the government. Why dont they protest against the men and women who are responsible for raising such a man. Why not against the society where these men are raised and live in? They say we do it so that people in power listen. What about all those mothers and fathers who taught their sons that they are more superior to women. Yes. I not only blame the patriarchy but also the women in our society.

Women most often put down other women. Power struggles among women for the men of the house often end up in the weaker one being punished by the man. This teaches the man and the sons of the house that women should behave in their so called limits otherwise they should be shown their right place. Women are sex toys and baby making machines. Or should I say BOY making machines. Unless the society changes nothing will change.

We can have stricter laws but it will only tell the perpetrators…. commit the crime but don’t get caught. It will never reach them that what they did was wrong or teach other men that they shouldn’t do it because it’s morally incorrect.

I don’t know how to start this. But only by spreading the word or by changing the society will this change. Just like Prime Minister Modi screaming swachch bharat abhiyan, we cannot have clean streets. Is there any way we can educate? The culture has to change. The society has to change. We as parents have to make the change.

PS. I couldn’t find an image which portrays the true position of women in our society.

It’s that time of the year again! Summer holidays! For many parents it’s kind of like…. OMG what am I supposed to do with the kids now!! We start looking for Summer camps and various classes to keep our kids busy. We start packing their schedule like school days so that they are kept busy.

I think it’s nice if we can teach them a new sport or a musical instrument… something. But I don’t believe in packing their schedule. Maybe 1 class a day which can keep them busy for a couple of hours. I feel let them also feel that it’s holidays. Let them think of activities to keep themselves busy at home. Let them be at home through the holidays so that they also know what holidays really means. Let them be bored! It gives them time to think. To reflect. Of course i guess only kids above 7-8 can do that. But it can be nice.

For me I actually don’t have too many days here. Firstly P’s school has shorter holidays than other schools. 1.5 month. Out of that 3-4 weeks are spent in Nani house in Mumbai. The balance time we try to take a short trip somewhere. Maybe bua’s house in Gurgaon with some place else. So we have a week of traveling ahead , then 1 week in Bangalore and then 3 weeks in Mumbai. By the time we get back it will almost be time for school to re open. So we r kind of sorted 😃

Although there are a couple of things which I think should be regular holiday activity. First should be clean up of play room and second clean up of kids room. Their clothes and toys. Donate what you don’t need. Especially school supplies. Coz with the new academic year ahead, I’m sure there will be kids who will need that stuff. (I like to donate it to Goonj) I had that in mind when holidays were starting but we made a sudden travel plan so I guess it’s kind of on the shelf for now. Although P is keen. So let’s see. Might do it in one of the days in the week in between.

For P’s age I can find some activities and put her in. But what about A’s age? She is only 3. It’s quite difficult to keep them engaged at home. We have to be on our toes all the time to do something with them. I know people at this age are also tempted to put them in summer camps so that they can be out for 2-3 hours and their schedule is set. Personally…. I’m not a fan of putting them in summer camp so early on. I prefer if they can go on play dates or we take them to indoor play areas or simply let them play at home. I know it’s additional work. But try na… Camps after 4-5 years of age is ok. The little ones need to be at home.

If you run out of ideas to keep them busy , u can just go to Pinterest and look for ideas. That’s the best treasure trove of ideas. I see so many people picking up ideas and then posting them as their own 😉 and then people go like WOW!!! How creative! But seriously you can find some really really interesting stuff there.

The best thing you can do of course is take a family vacation. It’s such a lovely time for parents and children to bond. Or even extended family like grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. Once kids are 7-8 years of age they kind of start forming memories. Now is the time they will start remembering things when they grow up. These are some of the best memories I have of my childhood. All the lovely places my parents took us to.

So start off now! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! (And eat lots of ice cream in the heat!)

Last week I heard of a young girl committing suicide. She was 14 and went to a CBSE board school. She hanged herself from the fan in her room. That’s how her parents found her. They were caught completely unawares, because apparently she was a very bubbly girl and they did not expect her to be pressurised by studies and stuff. I heard she took this step because she could not handle the pressure. Was it from school or was it from home ? I don’t know the whole story. But this isn’t the first time we have heard this. (I was also told that another child from the same school had taken this drastic step just 15 days earlier)

Every few days we hear of teenagers committing suicide either because they could not handle the pressure of studies or because they dint get good marks in their exams. Isn’t this a pitiable state? It’s just so sad to see such young lives lost for such a petty thing. You might say marks are not petty. Your future in college depends on it. I agree. But is it more important than peace of mind and most of all the life of your child? A lot of successful people around are uneducated or not very highly educated. It’s ok. And being a little less successful (that really depends on what your definition of success is) is not harmful at all. As long as you are happy.

So what really is defined as success? When I googled it showed me “accomplishment of an aim or purpose”. That’s it. That’s the simple definition of success. Now the aim or purpose is what matters. We all have our own views of what our aims are. Someone wants to be a successful businessman, someone lawyer, someone Doctor, software engineer etc etc and the list goes on. But does anyone think what our real success would be?

For me being successful means being in a life which is happy. I might have lesser money than my friend. I might not go on international holidays ( or any holidays). I might not own the LVs and Guccis. But I have my family who loves me. I have a comfortable house to live in and food on my table everyday. As an addition to that I have domestic help to help me with my cooking and cleaning.

The one thing people are fooled by probably is a job which pays very well. Many times people are caught up in jobs which they don’t like at all. But they continue because they are in a rat race. A race to earn better than a friend. Or to go to better destinations than their friend or own a bigger car. But they are not happy. Then why go through all the pain. Why not do something that you love. Won’t you do it much better? We have one life. Let’s live it happily. Not be fooled by these silly definitions of happiness being money.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for a good education. Given the circumstances I will send my children to the best of colleges and universities. But I have to keep my child’s potential in mind for that. I have to be the judge of what my child is capable of and how much can she handle. I agree I need to motivate her. But there is a difference in motivating and pressurising. It is a thin line but I must recognise it. We must choose our words and tone carefully when we talk about these things.

And yes…. we must talk. Always keep the channels of communication open with your children. If they have a problem they must know they can trust you and tell you about it. Figure out ways in which you can talk to your children to help them open up. I agree that teenagers can sometimes be a tough nut to crack. But I feel if we keep those channels open from a young age then they will come to you even when they are older. I don’t know…. I havnt experienced that yet so maybe when I get there in a few years I’ll know more.

Well I won’t blame the parents completely. Isn’t the education system in our country a little wonky. Like how do I say…. more stress on books and theory rather than practical and application. Score good marks and only then you can get into a good college! Some colleges have a 99% cut off for admission. Like really??? Don’t you think the real challenge of a good college should be to make weak students brighter? If the students are already bright (rather should I say brightest!! Like 99%????) then all they have to do is put the study material in front of them and they can clear the exams anyway. I can bet on it that regular commerce graduates are not worth a penny in today’s world. And can get only meagre clerical jobs. So …. yes, in my opinion our system also needs to change.

So be careful people. Of what you say and how you say to your children. And keep them safe….

When we were making the birthday guest list, P gave me 7 names. Yes…. 7. Out of 23 kids in her class she gave me only 7! I kept telling her, add some more but she was like, that’s it. A couple of weeks passed. The invitations were out and I had received most rsvps. P comes and tells me ‘Ma don’t invite that boy for my birthday’ and I was like I already did and his mom has confirmed his presence. There is nothing I can do now. She said tell her not to come. And I said P that’s rude. I can’t do that. If I have already invited someone I cannot say no to them. What’s the matter? Did you have a fight with him? She said something which I couldn’t figure out. Then she thought for a few minutes and said. ‘Ok Ma , it’s fine if he comes. I’ll handle it’. And it was all cool. I even asked her a couple of days after that if everything was cool between him and her and she said ya all good. He can come for my birthday. He came and they all had a great time!

It just amazed me how quickly these kids can forgive and forget. A quality we adults don’t have. We will hate a person. We will hold grudges. We will not talk properly to someone for years. Sometimes even cut off that person from our lives. You might say life issues are bigger than childhood tiffs. They sure are…. but if we learn to forgive…. life would be simpler for us all. You forgive someone and it will lighten up your heart so much. It’s like a load off your chest. Try it. Even I have held grudges for years. Slowly when I realised that they are pointless after such a long time, I let go. And trust me, it feels awesome. I might have held on to them for the wrong reasons anyway.

Forgiving is not easy. Your memories don’t just erase the second you think about it. I wish it were that easy. To press a delete button and the memory would be made free to over write. Or maybe even format my brain to start all over again. But it’s not. So we have to think of ways to be able to tackle it. To “make the memory free to over write”. You have to make yourself believe that the person is forgivable now. Maybe even make yourself believe that what that person did to you was not that bad at all. It’s you who is making it look that bad. Try looking at it from a different angle. It might change your perspective completely.

I came across a therapy once in which the therapist would cut cords of attachment between you and some other person in your life dead or alive. These are all cords formed through the energies you exchange with that person. So the cords contain “stuff” which are unpleasant energies stored in it during some particular interaction with that person. The therapy believes that once the cord is cut it allows you to move on and not be stuck mentally and held back due to that “stuff”.

Forgiving kind of works the same way.

Since I started volunteering with Cuddles I have been dedicating my daughters’ birthday to those poor children who don’t get enough food to fight the deadly disease called cancer. I lost my father to cancer when he was just 42 and I hope no one has to loose a loved one to it ever. This is the 3rd consecutive year since I have done this and now my P knows what’s to be done. Even as I was making the list of the guests, she told me “Ma don’t forget to tell everyone that they don’t have to bring gifts and have to bring money for the Cuddles children” I was happy. I was doing something right that my daughter understands the worthlessness of the gifts we get in a birthday party.

Don’t tell me that you have never seen the gifts received and said ‘Now what am I to do with all this crap’ At least 50% are not usable or the kids have something similar. And the balance 50% are pure indulgence. In this era of plenty do our kids really need more toys than they already have? What do you do? Pass it on at the next birthday party. Since a couple of years I have made it a policy not to even give gifts. Instead, I give an amazon gift voucher or a Full of Toys voucher so that the birthday kid can get something of their choice. If not now, then within the next one year, and it’s been much appreciated.

Talking about the NGO I volunteer with, Cuddles Foundation. We provide holistic nutrition to cancer afflicted malnourished children. To do this, we tie up with government or charitable hospitals and place a nutritionist on our payroll there. (It should be noted that all government hospitals do not have a nutritionist, leave alone paediatric.) People usually give free or concession on treatment. But no one realises that without the proper nutrition, the chemo will only have adverse effects. To bridge this gap this foundation was started 6 years ago in Mumbai. It’s currently present in 10 cities and 19 hospitals. If you would like to read more about Cuddles or donate, you can do it here

After I published my last article a very close friend of mine sent me a fb live video of a friend of hers , whose 3 year old son has cancer. It was heartbreaking to see that strong mommy speak her thoughts. The one thing she said was “speak up”. You never know what you say might be comforting or sending more power to another. She spoke about an instance where a complete stranger said something about her son which just gave her more hope and power to deal with her son’s condition. My heart goes out to her and I hope her son makes a full recovery.

When I visit the hospital I just see so much hope around. These little children are so full of life and energy that you can hardly believe that they are suffering from this life threatening disease. They probably haven’t seen enough life to know what it is. They have no fear. Neither of pain nor of death. They don’t know what it is. It is us adults, who develop these fears as we grow older. We grow up with our own inhibitions based on certain experiences of life. When we are faced with trying situations we react. Sometimes normally sometimes over react. It’s us who need to get control of our feelings. Coz these little angels don’t even know what they mean yet.

Valentine’s Day is rather special for me. Not just because it’s Valentine’s Day but also because we were given the greatest gift of all time on this day….my older daughter P. It was as if the forces of the universe were telling us…. now you will truly celebrate your love forever. And then 5 years later, all by natural means, came our second little angel A. As if telling us… let’s not finish the celebrations in a day.

P is 8 now and A is a tiny little 3. I started writing this blog not only because I wanted to write a blog but because I wanted something special for my children. When they grow up it will be like a chronicle for them to read through all the posts and relive their childhood. Not only for them…. for us too. Ultimately hubby and I will be left all these little tid bits of awesomeness that these kids are.

I was traveling on work and could get home only by evening on P’s birthday. We had already bought P’s gift. She had asked for something that grown ups use. At first she wanted a laptop! Reason…. her cousin 2 months younger than her has one. ( but hey! She doesn’t have a TV at home and she uses her moms old laptop to watch you tube) so after some coaxing and disagreement, it was ruled out. Then she asked for headphones. Like her A didi has (her A didi is 15 years old and has a pair of Noise cancellation speakers which she got when she turned 13 I think) so again after some explanations and arguments we came to agreement that we will buy a Bluetooth speaker so that she can listen to music. (Although the iPad has a decent speaker and she listens to it anyway, but at least we could agree on something that “grownups use”) She was satisfied with that ultimately because her grandmom has one of those caravan speakers by sa re ga ma which have old numbers filled in and also act as a speaker for ur own music. (It’s pretty cool actually. It’s got a large collection of golden songs. You can insert your usb as well and also connect it via Bluetooth. Pretty cool! This is the Caravan Radio)

And A…. she got a cycle. It’s not exactly new. It’s P’s old cycle….. but for her it’s new 😬 I know, the second ones have to make do with hand me downs. But for my comfort P hardly used it and it’s as good as new. She outgrew it and we had to buy a bigger one when she wanted to learn without training wheels. But I think I’m going to have to get her a tricycle for now.

So the week was packed with tonnes of excitement and celebrations. 14th was P’s birthday and we also celebrated Mahashivratri. It’s pretty big for us coz we do 4 poojas of 4 prahars. So it’s pretty much all night long. Then 15th was A’s birthday. We decided to go out for dinner that day. The only place we could think of was Go Italia in Koramangala. It’s close and it serves the 2 items my girls love Pizza (for P) and French Fries (for A). Unfortunately they ran out French fries that day. But the staff left no stone unturned to bring her some coz it was her birthday. They went to dominos and Pizza Hut but they don’t serve any it seems. Then they went to namdhari to buy a packet of frozen fries! A was thrilled to eat them and it’s totally commendable that they went out of their way to bring her those fries.

Saturday was party time. We celebrated at this place called Bangalore school of performing arts. As the day advanced from morning to afternoon I had 6 kids cancel their attendance! I was totally disheartened and ultimately a couple more dint show up. I was like it’s going to be a flop party. But you know what…. the kids had a blast. Of the total of 13 kids 5 were A’s friends and the rest were P’s. The place had a dance studio, soft play area and a gymnastics studio. The kids played and played and played and it was difficult to get them out of there. The co ordinator there also did a fantastic job of the activities. Although the kids enjoyed the most when they got free play time at the gymnastics studio.

Moral of the story…. once again we learn that kids don’t care how many people are there or how big or small the party is. All those are only things to boost our ego. The kids only care about their friends and can enjoy themselves with their friends wherever and whenever. I did not invite many people from my friend circle because the place was a bit small and would not be able to accommodate so many adults. I kept feeling bad till the last minute…. that I should have called them. I attend all their parties and it’s only courtesy that I invite them too. But it makes me feel that we should let go of these formalities. Because ultimately what matters is that my children should enjoy their own birthday. Having more children would have crowded the place more. Plus my friends’ kids hardly know each other so they would probably be bored and I would feel bad that they are bored. So…. a small party with their close friends is what I would go with for our kids.

From childhood it’s been a thing in my family to watch the Republic Day Parade. Go to school… hoist the flag… and come home in time to watch the awesome parade. How many of you watch it? It’s beautiful… it really is. If you haven’t ever seen it, then it’s time you do. And show your children as well. There are beautiful tableaux from various states and ministries. Colourful traditional dances performed by school students. I agree… it might not be as grand or huge as some parades seen abroad, but it’s our own desi version and it’s fantastic.

P has been in the habit now and this year she asked on her own to watch it. I switched on the TV and left her to watch till the time the dignitaries arrived and the ceremony started. As I was going around doing my stuff I realised she was standing with a salute towards the TV. The National Anthem was on. I got the pic but she put down her hand by the time I got the phone to click. I was touched. Not because I have taught her to do this. This is totally her school. In fact I will admit that at least at home we take the privilege of sitting and relaxing on the sofa while the anthem plays on TV. But she stood up. And that reflects a lot on what her school has taught her. I’m glad their school stresses on this and that’s at least one thing they are getting right.

She also made a small badge of Pom poms which she started in school. She had made the Pom poms in school and assembled them at home. Proudly wore it around all day.

I love my country. I’m proud to be born in a country with such a diverse culture , rich history and so many languages. But there are so many things around which make us think twice if we are headed in the right direction as a nation. With proper education and values maybe some day people will have the right sense to not do silly things which divide and destroy the nation.

It’s a far away dream. There is no perfect nation. But can we have a peaceful nation where citizens are confident in the ministers of power and trust the judicial system. Not scared of goons and casteism.

Recently most of my staff was on holiday. Pongal is a major South Indian festival and my drivers and maids were all on a long holiday. Weirdly P had school that day. Hubby was off work and everyone was in holiday mode but P had to go to school. When I picked her up in the evening and got her home she was delighted to see her dad at home. And realised that there was no staff. She was like everyone is on holiday today? And I said yes, everyone is on holiday. That’s why I have to do all the work. I don’t get a holiday. She instantly replied “Because you are mom! How can you take a holiday??”

And I was like ya…. that’s right. I’m MOM. Have to be available 24×7. I have to be maid, cook, Driver, nanny….. everything! But sometimes it’s ok. Sometimes when my maid takes an off… I kind of enjoy it. Yes it does get me mad at times but…. it’s fun. Doing everything from bathing to picking and dropping to school to feeding. These are chores I normally don’t do. Coz doing them everyday makes me mad. Drives me crazy. Some people might judge me for saying these things… but the fact is yes… these chores bore me and I can’t do it everyday.

I love my little girls. They are a part of me. A part of heart walking outside my body. But surely listening to their tantrums and feeding the fussy eaters drives me up the wall. I rather spend some quality time playing or reading with them. I rather interact with them with a peaceful mind and make the connection. The days I do their other work, I realise I spend much lesser time doing these things with them. I get so full of them doing those things that I want to spend some time by myself. I need time for work. So I land up cutting down on the quality time.

But yes the sometimes I do do them, I enjoy them. Splashing in the water with the little hello kitties, eating in the House tent, drinking milk watching orangutans on TV, rubbing moisturiser on their bodies…. love it.

This Christmas was full of surprises. On Christmas Day P’s cousins were having a party at their house and they invited her over and asked her to stay the night. To my surprise…. she agreed! I let her go thinking I’ll pick her up the next day. But she called me in the morning saying she wants to stay another 2 days! I told her I’ll pick you up tomorrow. I wasn’t sure how she will be coz it’s been a loooong time she has stayed away from home without me. She was ok. But when she came back home yesterday she broke down.

She dint realise what she was getting herself into. Masti masti mein she said I’ll stay. But she actually missed Home terribly. A couple of weeks back she stayed home while I was traveling for 4 days and she was absolutely fine. I guess that’s because she was at home. This time she was away from home as well as me in between people who she knows but never really stayed with.

What really amazed me was that she kept her feelings to herself till she dint get home. She missed me and Home there also but dint say anything or cry. She removed all her emotions only once she was back with me. I dint know that almost 8 year olds could control their emotions so much! Even we as adults are unable to control ourselves when we are upset. Sometimes we say or do things we shouldn’t. We really need to learn this quality from children.

In fact when A was in her early years program last year, I got stuck up somewhere and was 20 minutes late to pick her up from school. She sat quietly and waited very patiently. They held her hand and walked her uptil the gate. She was absolutely calm. As soon as she stepped out of the gate and saw me, she burst out into tears. And this was at 2 years!

I remember I went for a 3 week vacation to the US when P was 4. After 10 days I started going berserk. I was snapping and getting irritated. And I knew why…. coz I was homesick (and pregnant which I dint know ☺️)

I still don’t know how P managed. Although after she is back she is sticking to me like glue 🙄. I’ve had to hug her and kiss her and play with her through the day so that she is better. She was counting the days she has till school reopens And seemed upset when it was only 4 more 😀