After a long time we had a relaxed Sunday evening. With nothing to do we lazed around in the garden on a chatai (Mat). A had been after me since morning that she wanted to do some craft. So she brought her little box of craft stuff ( we bought a craft kit from Itsy Bisty recently which has a lot of cool stuff for crafting) and sat down to create. She wanted to first make a card for me and Papa. Slowly it changed from papa to Amma because papa already has too many cards (made by her). Ultimately it changed from Amma to Baba and finally she wanted to make one for me and one for decoration purpose only. On daughters day my daughter gave me card 😃

So here is what she made with some help from me. (The unicorn and butterflies are part of an art activity we did a few months ago. Her cousin gave her this idea. Draw it, paint it and then cut it out). She has conceptualised the entire thing from colour of the paper to sticking a square with the pic on it to the sticker selection. The unicorn is for me.

In the meanwhile papa read the newspaper while P read a book the Human body. We had some tea and fruits and listens to the parrots making a noise in the tree above. A lovely evening under the sky 🙂

Today as P came home from school she ran up to me and kissed and hugged and said “I Love You”. I hadn’t received such a lovely greeting on coming back from school in a long time. I was wondering ‘wow she is in a good mood’. I thought probably because she went to school after 15 days, thanks to a long bout of viral. To top it off she started telling her dad “papa do you know which is the most important job in the world? It’s mom’s job. Because if she doesn’t do her job the whole world will go wibbly wobbly!!”

This was like THE most wonderful thing I have heard from her in a long long time. I was beaming with pride and thinking ‘this girl has started to appreciate her mom. I’m loving this’

Well…. the happiness was short lived. It wasn’t another 5 minutes and she came up to me with a batteesi smile (showing her 32 teeth as you say in Hindi) and said “mom can I watch tv?”. This, because a few days ago I had given her an ultimatum that no tv on school days. Only on holidays. It was now that I understood ki kyun woh mujhe maska maar rahi thi (why she was buttering me up).

She got me there though. Her strategy was perfect. The one way to make mom happy is hug her and kiss her and say that I love her. And then say a few appreciative words and….. ta daaa!!! I get what I want. Yes… I gave in. Also partly because A is allowed to watch on school days so could not differentiate in them. The day I told her that, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up this one. It was a bad move.

I avoid making statements which are only a dhamki (threat) and I can’t follow through. I don’t want my kids to think that mom only talks. She won’t really do this. So I try and make punishments reasonable and then stick to it. Let them cry or create a fuss. I stick to my stand. Otherwise they will soon start taking advantage of me.

Whether it’s punishments or promises. Make them only if you can keep them or your word will hold no value in their eyes.

A few days ago the kids’ art teacher held an exhibition cum sale of her students’ works. She has some 30 odd students and there were around 60+ artworks on display. Her aim was to encourage her students and showcase their work. And what an event it was! So much talent collected in one place. AMAZING! Each artwork was wonderful and you could see the passion the kids had put in their work.

We had displayed 3 of P’s and 2 of A’s paintings. One of which was for sale. And guess what? IT GOT SOLD! My very good friend bought it to put it up in her holiday home. But the sale made P ecstatic. She was so so happy to have made some money on her own. She was so happy that she put up a second one for sale too! it dint sell ultimately but still. She was so encouraged and happy!

These are P’s paintings. We displayed the Dancing ballerina sketch, the Whimsical horse and the Kerala mural. We sold the Whimsical horse

As for A…. we hadn’t put any of hers for sale. She was happy just to see her best works all framed and put up on the wall. And she received so much appreciation for her work too. She definitely has a knack for painting. She can sit for a really long time patiently painting. She loves to detail her paintings….. and decorate them with stickers….. and add glitter to them….. and use every possible medium she has to make it her best work.

These are A’s artworks. We displayed the Self portrait and the Car with our family 🙂

Whenever the kids do something like that we stick the art work up on our mirror in the bedroom. Its awesome to look at everyday and makes them feel so very special. When another masterpiece is made, we simply replace the old one. It gives them immense happiness that their work is loved and appreciated. It encourages them to do more and make one better than the last.

It was awards day in P’s school today. The day you feel proudest of your child and forget all those times you were after her life to complete home work and study. She won 7 awards in total. For academics and extra curriculars and keeping herself well organised in school (hah! Let them see her at home. They will surely cancel the award for her)

It was truly a proud moment when the teacher called out 7 awards one after the other. But then every student gets a minimum of 2 awards. So it’s ok I guess….. though 7 is a good number….. hey who am I kidding. I’m trying to be modest here but the truth is I’m like WOOHOO!!! Way to go my darling. She isn’t a subject topper or a class topper but still…..7! Yay!

But you know what the best part was (of course apart from hearing the list of awards my daughter got)? When the subject toppers or class toppers were announced, their friends would hoot and jump and cheer them on. I loved that about these kids. The spirit and enthusiasm with which they cheered their friends was just amazing.

I wish we as adults could be so happy at others’ achievements. Children are so innocent and so pure in their hearts. As we grow older we slowly develop these negative feelings of jealousy and hatred. We don’t like it when people are ahead of us. We get jealous at other people’s success. Why? Because we haven’t achieved as much as that person? But what is the measure of achievement? Money? Foreign holidays? Big cars? I would say….. NO.

I think the measure of achievement is when I have a loving family. It’s when I have friends around who care for me and love me. Its when I have a roof on my head and food on my plate. It’s when I’m happy with whatever I have. It’s when I’m enjoying the work I do. I’m not slogging my ass for some unforeseen happiness which is again measured in money. In Hindi there is a saying “paisa kya hai? Haath ka mail” it means… what is money? Just the dirt from your hands. We rub it off and it’s gone. There today. Gone tomorrow. We should look at more deeper meanings for achievement. It might mean different things for you and me. But as long as it makes me happy and keeps my thoughts positive. I’m good!

Someone was telling me today about a pair of siblings, about how they go scribbling around the house on the walls. She was like the entire walls in the house are filled with scribbling. The kids are so stubborn that the mom is listening to what the kids are saying but they wont listen to her. She doesn’t believe in saying no to the kids or stopping them from doing anything.

I want to ask why? Why cant you stop your kids from scribbling on the walls? You don’t have to say no to scribbling. Just tell them scribbling is to be done on paper not the walls. There is a limit to which the kids should be allowed to be free. I believe in letting them spend time as per their wish too. But not this. I cannot see that they are indisciplined or spoil their surroundings. They have to learn to be sensitive to their surroundings. Today its the house, tomorrow it will be school and then other peoples houses and maybe public places. What will you do then? You never stopped then at home. So they assume they can do it anywhere.

You don’t make them pick up their mess in the house, they ultimately wont do it anywhere. (Although this one gets really tough. A does everything in school. Not a single complaint. But if I ask her to pick up her stuff at home, she refuses. She is slowly getting there but its slow) but if I don’t impress the importance of it from now, she will not understand. No one is going to clear up for you all the time.

Two things come out of this

1. The little training kids receive at home go a long way in life. Being sensitive to their environment and to the people around. The culture you follow at home primarily becomes their culture when they grow up. It helps them take care of their surroundings in school or at others houses or when they grow up at work and public places.

2. Its ok to say no to kids. You don’t have to allow them to do everything just because you don’t want to say no. Nowadays people have made too much of a hype of this thing. You shudnt say no to kids and all. Don’t say no. But at least put the message across. Eg. Painting is for paper. Not walls. If you want to paint please use paper. Do we want dirty looking walls in the house? And if that doesn’t work you have to be authoritative and say clearly “NO” ITS OK! There has to be an authoritative figure in the house. Just like there is an authoritative figure at work, or school, or even the country. Can there be discipline and peace if there is no authority figure? No. Everything will be haywire.

I feel we should choose a moderate path. There has to be a line which differentiates between friends and parents. You are their parent for a reason. They have plenty of friends outside. Its your responsibility to give the world responsible and sensitive human beings to make the world a liveable place. And to do this there have to be dos and donts. Otherwise we all be unruly unmanaged people.

You have to decide where you have to draw your line. Your kids should find you a friend enough to confide in you. But you must also be parent enough that they are conscious if they do something that you don’t approve of.

Love them. Adore them. Pamper them. But don’t spoil them.

Its that time of the year again when we’re all excited about the new academic year at school. The smell of fresh books and excitement of a new school bag. P started school on Monday. Its an exciting time for her when she sits and labels all her new books. She insists she will do it all by herself, from sticking the labels to writing her name and grade on all of them.

She starts 4th grade this year and as they progress into higher classes they will be given the responsibility of a locker. Their school has the first week filled with only activities. No studies ,no books. They have to go in casuals to school. No uniform. A time meant for students to bond with their new classmates and the new teachers. I feel it’s a great way to start the year. The kids really look forward to it.

They have an activity through the week which is of their choice (she has taken paper mache from a variety of stuff like dancing , music, origami among a few others). And they have another project activity where they make stuff to either donate outside the school or within the school like the library or younger classes. She is in Board games where they are creating popular board games in hindi. These will be kept in the school library for everyone to use.

Their choice time activity will usually have something which will be displayed somewhere in the school. They are making paper mache birds which will be put up in some place visible. A couple of years back the students of higher grades made a wall climber in the primary block with recycled materials. And I think last year they made a tree house. So that’s the idea of this activity.

After 5 days of bonding with your new classmates and teachers, they have a sleepover in school from grades 3-12. Its a huge party with food, dance, music, bonfire. And then they all sleep with their friends in school in their sleeping bags. It just sounds like a whole load of fun and excitement. Imagine! What fun to spend the evening in school with friends and then sleep there only (which I’m sure at least the seniors hardly do 😂)

P is super excited for her new year. She look very happy and enthusiastic. Lets hope the enthusiasm continues through the year. Cheers to the new year 🥂!!

In the meanwhile….. A is super bored 😐 just waiting for her to school to re open. She asks me every morning if it’s time to go to school yet.

Sometimes when I see P I really wonder how she is so weird….. so weirdly similar to how I was at her age. Her mannerisms are so funnily same as mine that I feel like I’m looking at a live version of my flash back. Of course, some things, like being adamant and stubborn, she gets from her dad, but mostly she is a me.

Its strange that I tell her to change a certain habit and then I realise ‘hey…. I used to do just that when I was her age’ 😬 so how can I expect her to change this habit. Example is eating slowly. She takes sometimes upto an hour to finish a meal if she has the time. Well…. I wasn’t any different. I used to sit for dinner with my brother , who ate at jet speed, usually joined by my father. They would finish and get up and my mom used to join in later after they finished. And I would accompany her too. And sometimes still be left with some more to go. So ultimately I would land up sitting alone and eating. But… the difference is… I was ok with sitting alone and eating and this girl makes such a noise if she has to sit alone.

So she has her uniqueness mixed with some of our genes. And a mix of our genes which make her unique. She is caring but can be non chalant sometimes. Sometimes she doesn’t care what you’re going through and sometimes she will press your legs and your head and let you lie in her lap and strokes your head like she’s your mom. Sometimes she will give you come backs like “I’m curious, its good to be curious” “its my life, let me do what i want” But that’s just my pre teen talking I guess.

Snippets from a conversation today morning

A: where did you stay when you were 4 years old?

Me: I stayed with Nani. She had another house at that time

A: did you like tattoos when you were 4 years old?

Me: we dint have tattoos at that time

A: did you like bubbles when you were 4 years old?

Me: yes

Then she started singing something and arrived at the topic of mamma’s mamma and papa’s mamma

A: mamma’s mamma is nani?

Papa’s mamma is Amma?

Papa’s Papa is Baba?

Who is your papa?

Me: he has gone to stay with Jai Jai

A: where did he stay?

Me: at Nani’s old house

A: when will he come back?

Me: he won’t ever come back

A: why did he go?

Me: he fell very sick.

A: so who goes to Jai Jai house never comes back?

Me: no they stay with Him always

A: ( thought for a bit) so the people who go to Jai Jai will come back in mamma’s tummy? (Coz Jai Jai sends babies in mamma’s tummy)

Me: yes, maybe

A: who is your papa?

Me: your Nanu

A: but what’s his name?

Me: Rakesh

A: Rakesh (she repeated the name in her cute sweet voice and it sounded so different. So nice)

I wish you had been around to meet your Grand daughters. They would have loved you. This one’s for you pa. Miss you always.

Another nani house story. One morning as I was walking past the pooja room I saw this

She was talking in whispers so I really don’t know what she was talking about. But she sat there and talked and talked and talked. I observed her for about 5 minutes and she had a LOT to say. She was probably just playing something. The idols seem like dolls to her. She wanted to have a mobile phone conversation with them. Come to my party…..Get ready…. were a few things I heard 😂

Another day I saw this.

It was her Grandfather’s birthday and I asked her to make him a card. She picked up her drawing paraphernalia and went straight to the Pooja room. The little stool and table is the perfect height for her. She probably found that comfortable and thus I found her going multiple times there and sitting and talking and playing.

Another of her favourite activities was bathing the idols. My mum has the idol of Little baby Krishna (we call him Laddoo Gopal) and it is said that if you keep that idol at home you have to treat Him like a baby. Bathe Him, dress Him, feed Him. Even change His clothes at night and make Him sleep on His bed, blanket and all. So everyday the girls would rush to bathe the little baby Krishna. They loved every part of the process. Bathing Him and making the sandalwood paste to adorn His forehead. Dressing Him up and making Him wear all the jewels and the crown. Then placing the flowers at His feet and finally the Aarti.

Neither me not my husband are particularly religious people. I pray but I have my limits. So educating the children about God and telling them the stories is not really my cup of tea. And their papa…..🙄 not even worth mentioning. I have bought them a few books and we do talk about God at certain times. But its relatively less. So when I see my A having so much interest in Pooja and spending time in the pooja room, I find it a bit odd. Maybe she gets it from her Grandmoms. Both of them are quite a bit religious. Well…. lets see if the interest remains as she grows up. Currently…..its high.

We have been in nani house for the past 20 days. Just got back last night. As I packed the suitcases and lined them near the door, in mumbai, my little 4 year old A comes and tells me “Mamma I’m going to miss Abhi bhaiya. He will also miss me no?”. Abhi bhaiya is my nephew.

It was sweet and kind of heartbreaking to hear that from her. Thanks to distance we hardly get to meet. Maybe once or twice a year for a few days. He is almost 14 now but he adores my girls and loves spending time with them. There is exactly a 5 year age gap between him and P and another 5 years between P and A. So that’s 10 in total for them. But he still misses them both equally all the time.

Once we were back in the car in Bangalore , she asked me another question “jab hum log ek family ko chhodkar doosri family mein chale jaate hain to hum log unko miss kyon karte hain?” She meant to ask why we miss people when have to leave them and go to another place. Another bouncer from her.

At first I was a little taken aback by the question. At the depth of the thought this 4 year old had gone to. I dint really know how to answer that question, rather how to explain to her about it. All I could say was that its because you like them so much and you played and had such a good time with them that you will miss them. She seemed satisfied with the answer and gave her regular “oohh” as an answer.