So a part of terrible twos is wanting mom 24×7. A will play on her own for a while and then it’s “mammmaaaaaaa”. The other day I went out of the house without telling her… so now whenever I even say by slip of tongue that I have to go out… she clings on to me like glue. She just won’t go to the nanny. Aap nehlao…. aap khilao…. aap le saath khelna hai…..

And the tantrums…. how do you handle those? Crying endlessly for silly things. It can be annoying at times. Especially when you don’t have the time for it. Now some wise parents will say…. what do you mean no time for it. You don’t have time for your kids? But yes…. it does happen. Every person is pressed for time some time or the other. Whether you’re an sahm or working mom. There is always things to be done and less time for everything. And don’t you think sometimes it seems like the kids choose exactly the time when you’re running late for their tantrums. I might be sitting and watching TV and she will be happily playing. The minute I start doing something there goes…… 

P had way many more meltdowns than A has. With A if I explain to her she usually gives in. Or if that’s not happening then be slightly strict and she is done 😀 But my P was not (and is still not) like that. She would cry and cry and cry. Most of the times I could do nothing but to allow her to cry. No amount of cajoling and explaining would get her to cool down. So I would just sit and wait. I would tell her that I’m waiting for you till you finish. Then we will get back to it. If I found my temper rising I would even leave the room for her to cry alone.  I know it sounds mean but it would work. After a few moments she would realise that it’s not going to work and would stop. Maybe the outburst was also her way of letting go of her feelings. So once she had cried it out she would feel better. 

For example I have always been very particular that no TV while eating and eating happens on your high chair. No running around. No getting off the chair in between meals. Initially she was very resistant. She would cry once the belt was put on. But I would just tell her that meal time is on the chair and that she doesn’t have an option for that. And I would just sit and wait. Sometimes during a tantrum I would just tell her I know you’re not liking it and give her hug. She would cry in my arms and be quiet in a while.

Of course that doesn’t mean I dint have my meltdowns. Sometimes things got too much for me too. I did yell many times and did scold her. I’m not a perfect parent. But at the end of it all I always realised that if I’m calm she will be calm too. If I get worked up, she won’t stop. It will only increase. So over time I would resist my temptation to yell and try and be calm. It’s worked most of the times. 

Conversation between A and papa

Morning

A: Anu ko aapke phone mein Anu dekhna hai

Papa: abhi phone charge ho raha hai. Abhi aap nahin dekh sakte 

A: theek hai (walks away satisfied with the answer)

Night as soon as he walks in from office

A: aapka phone charge ho gaya?

Papa( not realising why she is asking) honestly replies: haan ho gaya 

A: To anu ko aapke phone mein anu dekhna hai

Papa not knowing what more to say hands over the phone to her for her to indulge. 

A takes the phone and confidently browses through all the photos and videos and picks out her videos and starts to watch them. Note she only picks out her own videos. She does not like watching other videos even if there are kids in it. 

While she was watching one such video, it was a video of when she was a few months old and crying, she started feeling bad for herself. Asked me “anu kyun ro rahi hai” I gave her some answer which she seemed satisfied with but still was feeling bad seeing her crying. So she picked up a small toy fish and offered it to her crying self in the phone and said ” anu , anu ko ye fish de sakti hai?” I just dint know how to react. Should I laugh should I smile or what?? So I just told her “ye anu to phone mein hai aap usko fish kaise denge?” She seemed to understand coz she gave me a faint smile and went back to browsing the gallery 😀

How sweet and innocent babies are. Empathy for herself crying in a video. This feeling of empathy is so important as they grow up into teenagers and then adults. Right now it’s only for another crying baby. But eventually it must be for humankind. Some of us are more privileged than others. We have a luxurious house, luxurious meals , designer clothes. But there are people in this world who don’t even have basic necessities forget luxuries. To understand them to empathise with them. To do something to help such people at least get basic needs and rights like education. Let’s try and get some of these values into our children so that the world might be a better place to live in. 

Something I bumped into just after I wrote this article 
https://tinybop.com/blog/13-books-to-spark-conversations-about-empathy

Whoever named it terrible twos should have named it terrible always after 2! I don’t know which one is worse. A or P? For A it’s all pretty new. Throwing tantrums, being stubborn, and all the terrible things that the two year olds do. But for P….. it’s been over 5 years and I still don’t see any sign of the “terrible” going away. There are still lying on the floor crying tantrums, even more stubbornness,….. and all the terrible things 2+5 year olds do. 

I thought as they grow older they start understanding more. So if you reason things with them they will understand. But after agreeing to everything and supposedly understanding everything it’s a complete U-turn when it’s time for compliance. And like what do you do? I’ve tried reasoning, explaining, making stories, giving examples….. and scolding! ( was I on a no yelling on my kids thingie a month back? 🤔) nothing seems to work. 

So we had a guest over for dinner last night and before she came I had explained very patiently to P that even though the guest is going to be there, you have to go to bed on time coz you have school tomorrow. Like a proper obedient kid she nodded her head and said. Yes ma I will. And what happens when it’s time for compliance?? All promises forgotten. I only get whispering in my ear that remember last time I slept late? I still woke up on time for school. Of course you woke up!! What happens after that is what terrifies me. You don’t get proper sleep and by the time it dinner time you are so tired and cranky that you don’t eat properly and create a fuss for everything and then again you won’t sleep on time because tomorrow is Saturday 🙄….. and the cycle continues.  She finally agreed to read a sleepytime story and sleep at regular bedtime because she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer. 

The one thing I have realised in the 7 years of being mom is that you give them food on time and keep their sleep schedule on time and they are happy. Schedules go here and there and boom. From terrible they start becoming terrifying.  (I will have more on this tomorrow) 

I had spoken about this Ina n earlier post. I’m glad someone in the industry understands it

http://www.indiatimes.com/entertainment/celebs/piku-director-urges-for-ban-on-kids-reality-shows-feels-they-re-destroying-them-emotionally-325172.html

I am simply amazed at how a 2.5 year old toddler can fake crying to such an extent. A was playing happily with the nanny. She was in fact singing ‘ kudiyan de naal bahut sweet hai’ from that nachde ne saare song. She only knows this one line, and that too she says gudiya instead of kudiyan. She would sing one line and then burst out laughing and then sing it again and again start laughing and did the same at least 10-15 times. 

I was printing some images for P’s school project and as soon as she saw my face she started crying and making sad faces. And it was a complete fake crying. Not one tear came out and she was nodding her face up and down and making the crying sound (like how you make a fake crying sound to show a kid how they cry) and the minute I took her into my lap she was laughing as if nothing had happened. You know a bit like a chameleon! Change your attitude depending on what is your proximity to your mom. 

a) if mom is not in sight: play happily not even bothered where she is

b) when its meal time and mom is somewhere around: cry and go to mom and say “aap khilao”. When she knows I’m not around she doesn’t create any fuss to eat with the nanny

c) playing happily and realise mom is around: cry like you have been beaten and torchured by the nanny

d) when it’s milk and sleepy time and she knows mom is not at home: drink and sleep peacefully with dad/grandad

e) when it’s milk and sleepy time and mom is helping older sister go to bed: repeat point (b)

A few days ago I donated the last pack of unused diapers. I can’t even tell you how happy I was when A started to sleep through the night without wetting her diaper…. and through the day without wetting her pants….. and of course the day she finally chose to potty in the bathroom!! Till April I was making her diapers at night. Although many days she would not wet it at all. During the day…. it took her a week to get into the habit of expressing her need to go to the toilet. Although she refused to do potty for a long time on the seat… she came around some days after her 2nd birthday. 

I would sit with her many days reading to her and trying to tell her to do the big job in its appropriate place. But… she just wouldn’t. Within 10 minutes of making her wear her diaper again she would do it. Once she got off the seat, sat next to it and did it!! THAT was annoying! So when I left for my annual vacation in April this time, I decided I will not carry any diapers with me ( they would anyway take up some space and I dint have any in the already overfull suitcases). So it worked! There were some accidents for a month or so (only at night) but they were very few. 

I had a terrible experience with P. The Montessori school she went to insisted I start training her as soon as she turned 18 months. But she wasn’t ready AT ALL!! She was trained to do the big job on her seat but she would not pee there. She wouldn’t say when she wanted to go and would sit anywhere and do it.  When you google , you will find countless ways to potty train your child in 3 days or in 1 week. I swear I tried everything I could. This went on for more than a year! And don’t even get me started on the nights. My husband and I would take turns in waking up every 2 hours and take her to the toilet…. and this was after she turned 3! It took her a couple of months to sleep through the night without wetting her bed. I always had to keep her clothes and bedsheets handy. I used the absorbent sheets at night (the one used for patients in hospitals). Countless packets. 

Compared to this… A was a breeze. I started as late as I could with her. Was waiting for the school to show the red flag for diapers. I was petrified at going through the trauma of wiping baby pee all over the house all over again. But she made it so easy that i was scared for nothing. 😘 my sweetie pie. 

So at the end of this my conclusion was start training your baby when she is ready. No matter how hard you try, she will get around to it only when she wants. Try every few days but don’t force it on your child. It’s sad that being a Montessori her school dint accept that. P wasn’t ready till she was almost 2.5 years old. And A got completely trained before she hit the 2 mark. So chill it… don’t get stressed. They are not going to wear diapers all their lives! I know some people who train their kids at 6months old! Yes! They start at 4-5 months only. But only someone with an awesome amount of patience can do that. Old granny’s would do that. And I know of only 1 other person who has currently done it. Hats off to her! So either it’s so early or it’s wait and watch. 

This is what happens when a girl gets cricket fever….. bat and ball shaped rotis in a pink mermaid plate!!!  P has been following cricket since the ipl season began. First it was her cousin brothers and now even at school she has picked up cricket. She made her dad buy her a set of cricket bat, ball and wickets and practices with him everyday. She still has a long way to go…. but she is loving it. 

So today when I went into the kitchen to get her dinner she insisted on making her own rotis (which she usually rolls out and I cook) And the result was this! Isn’t it cool! I can’t believe the P who was averse to even holding a ball until a couple of years ago has gotten this fever. And not only cricket we also had to buy a football so she could practice dribbling and throwing and something else…

Kids catch on stuff really quick and leave it equally quicker. Some days back it was badminton. So we bought her training racquets. And now cricket. Let’s see how long this goes on. 

PS: she is also doing gymnastics! 

As A got off the car today after we got home from school she wanted to take the footpath from the car to the house gate. At the spot she started to climb onto the footpath she saw an ant walking past. She stood still and said “chinti ko jaane do” she patiently waited until the ant crossed all the way and another came behind it. When both were safely across she climbed up and walked happily home. I was touched to see how she allowed those little ants to cross before she herself crossed. She thought about those little creatures before herself. 

As kids grow up these basic manners must be taught to them. Putting others before self  is a basic human quality which can make the world a better place to live in. I have seen people don’t have basic courtesy these days. You are late, you don’t care to inform. I’m waiting for some info/feedback, you don’t bother to call back. Basic courtesy for other human beings is lacking. I volunteer for an NGO and sometimes people donate toys for the children at the hospital. I have seen people giving broken and useless toys for those kids. So what if they are poor? Don’t you think they deserve better than that? First of all they will use your second hand toy and then on top of that you can’t even give usable ones?? Just because you are donating just remove your ghar ka kachra and give it? No compassion. No basic humanity. It’s disgusting. 

Please people teach your children to be better human beings. Be grateful for what you have and share how much you can. Be kind. Be empathetic. 

2-3 days ago there was a heavy downpour and the kids were waiting for their dad to get back from work. When he arrived it was pouring outside and he asked one of our house help to bring him an umbrella till the car. A was standing at the door and watching the boy take the umbrella out and give it to Papa. When he got off the car suddenly she screamed “Papa sambhaal ke aana. Chchatri gili ho jayegi” 🤣🤣 

The innocence of the child! She had never actually used an umbrella in the rain. Only seen it in the house and played with it! They have so much of innocence in them. But sometimes I see parents taking away this innocence. Have you seen those reality shows where 5-7 year old girls dance on item numbers and make such expressions and then the people around and judges applaud them? Personally I hate them. I can’t watch those young girls dance like that. On chikni chameli and TV pe breaking news. What crap! 

Even many parents around us find pride when their kids sing a particular popular Bollywood number or dance with pelvic thrusts like the heroes of the movies. First you encourage them to do all this and then when they grow up and want to do it you want to stop them! Decide what you want. I do feel to some extent Bollywood has made women “items”. Make them dance in little clothes and portray that they do it for the men. And then we show our boys all that. So when they grow up seeing this kind of stuff they feel that’s what women are for. Isn’t somewhere this entire system wrong. At least at young tender ages we should try and show children nice things which don’t itemise a particular gender or at least show them just generally pleasant things. Let them be innocent. Anyway when they grow to a certain age they will want to sing and dance on those numbers. At that time you will say how vulgar and want to stop them. It will be too late then…..

It was Father’s Day today but daddy dear is leaving on a business trip. Last minute plan again so the whole day went in packing and stuff. P spent some time in making a wonderful Father’s Day card. She was totally inspired by the indo pak champions trophy final match and decided that her card won or be a cricket theme. It even had a small trophy by the side! Kids can think of the funnest things 🙂 sadly though we don’t really get the real thing. 

P is usually not very enthu in making cards. Usually it’s a quick thing. Draw something on the cover and scribble the message inside. Somehow today she was very inspired by the match and the cricket fever got on to her too. She watched the match and kept track that the bowlers were hitting sixes and the batsmen were all out before we knew it. 

Who knew someone who refused to even hold a ball a couple of years ago would get so interested in cricket! So watch out… you never know what your child is going to do further. Their interests change quickly and they might just turn out to be opposite of what you expect them to be! Interest wise and nature wise. My husband was known to be a bad tempered spoilt child. His Grandad spoilt him rotten. But if someone meets him today, they will find it difficult to believe it. Coz today he seems like he couldn’t hurt a fly!