So what do you generally do about homework when your child misses school? They don’t know what homework is given and usually won’t have the necessary books also to do the homework. So what do you do? Do you ask other parents what’s the homework and attempt to go out of your way to do it? somehow do some jugaad and make the child do homework? Chal book nahin hai to paper pe karke le ja. Why? What will happen if the child doesn’t do the homework one day? Or even for 4-5 days (considering the child is ill)? 

Be it whichever grade, why is doing homework so important? I’m asking so many questions because frankly I don’t understand this concept. Your child is ill in the first place…. and then you find out homework and ask them to study and sit and write and concentrate. Really? Why? Ok even if he/she is not ill, maybe you’re traveling. Then why homework on holiday? Araam se ghoom ke aao na. Homework ka itna tension hai to phir school kyun miss kara rahe ho?

I agree they need to catch up on classwork. But when they go back to school, the teacher should be responsible for making sure they do that. Coz the child might need explanation etc which the teacher has to do. Or at least the teacher must contact the parents and inform about classwork to be updated. How are parents supposed to know what’s been done in class?

Some parents are 2 steps ahead. I remember when we went to meet the principal of P’s school for admissions she was telling us the homework policy. In grade 1 they would get it thrice a week. Which she said was done because some parents insisted on more homework. Initially it was only twice a week. 

P’s preschool was just the opposite. They would get homework every single day. And if you informed them in advance that you’re going on a holiday they would give all the homework in advance to be done while on holiday. Are you insane? I’m going on a holiday. Why the hell would I pressurise my 5 year old to do home work when we are driving through beautiful country side in Europe? And for 5 year olds so much importance to academics? They went way ahead in their syllabus also. What P did in an upper kg similar level in her preschool, she is still doing in grade 2. Then why unnecessarily pressurise the child and stuff concepts in their little brains which are not even needed at that age. I feel it’s utter crap!

Swalpa chill maadi yaar. Bachche bachche hain. Rehne do na. Let them also enjoy the peace of missing school. Kya homework homework all the time. Dint you ever hate doing it while you were in school? ( I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I NEVER did my maths, we called it MATHS and not MATH, homework. We had a 400 page homework book which mine was always empty even till the end of the year 😁 even other subjects. Almost always I dint do homework. I was still mostly among the top 8 students in class) 

Maybe I’m so confident because I did well. But still. At this age let them be. Enjoy and let enjoy. You also enjoy one weekend of not making your child do homework 🙃

Children can use their imagination to another level. Sometimes they surprise you with what they can come up with. P made her own Ganesh temple in her bedroom. Drew out a beautiful Ganeshji and placed him on the bed. She used the mosquito net as the temples ‘pat’ ( the curtains of the deity in a temple). A Bisleri bottle with play dough on top became the diya and paper shreds became flower petals. 

There was a dance show organised for the family for which we were given tickets for entry. She searched the song she has recently learnt in her kathak class on you tube and kept it ready. Her papa was her spot boy. So after we were all seated in her tiny auditorium ( the kids playroom chairs were our seats and the rug in their playroom the stage) all lights went out. The music started and slowly the spot boy switched on one light at a time. The beautiful performance began. Once the performance was done we were taken inside the temple to make offering to Ganpati Bappa. 

In pics below you can see she put a small sign on her room door saying Ganesh Temple ( note that it’s a temporary sign board. The permanent one reads ‘queens’s room’ 😜)

It was beautiful to see how she had made the entire plan with tickets and took care of the tiniest of details like flower petals and also a small colourful mat for us to keep our offering. I hope she can keep up the planning and do more and more. 
She loves doing these kind of shows vaise. Every few days she will prepare something and collect the entire house to show her performance. And everyone from the house ,including grandparents and A, have to be present. 

Does ANYONE have an answer to this??? It’s a complete mystery sometimes. Why is she crying? Like why? Just why? You keep asking yourself the question and more often than not, you don’t have an answer. How I wish babies came with an instruction manual with a sure shot ‘nuskha’. Like a troubleshooting page…. when toddler cries try the following

1. Give favourite toy
2. Switch on favourite TV show
3. Give sugar to eat
4. Show some videos on your smartphone
5. Allow toddler to lie down on the floor and throw around hands and legs
6. Wait patiently till toddler stops crying. 
7. Just give the toddler what he or she wants 
8. Finally…. if none of the above work just switch off the crying button. 

Hah! You wish the last one was possible! No matter what I do she still cries. So what do I ACTUALLY do? I actually just do No 6. Wait patiently till she is done crying. Coz no matter what I do she cries even louder and I have no clue why.

Many times there are other reasons not very evident. Like she might be hungry or she might be sleepy. Sometimes we are unable to catch these and the littlest of thing triggers crying and bawling. I sometimes think back in the day and see. Did she wake up early today morning? Or did she take a shorter nap in the afternoon? When was the last time she ate something? And quite a few of the times I’m able to figure out the problem. But yes… inspite of these…. there are times when I just don’t know WHY????

It’s common to hear this statement now a days. New age parents don’t want to pressurise their children to be a certain something. Which is good… there should be no pressure for them to be A SOMETHING. But they need guidance to do what they like. I often think that I’m going to bring my girls up differently than I was brought up. Not that protected shell where we were told that I need to learn how to cook because that’s what girls do(not that I learnt it anyway). I am a chartered accountant. But that was allowed to me because it was believed what if I face some grim situation some day, it will come in use.  I wasn’t given a dream to have a career, to be what I would like to be. But I want to give my kids a dream. 

I agree that kids should be allowed to do what they want to. But I also feel they need a certain amount of guidance. They can’t be just left to make their own choices. Until a certain age… even up to their teens they need guidance. Go back and think. At the age of 5 what did you do? Just did as parents told you to. Why? Did you have the brains enough to think what’s right and wrong for you? What about age 10 or age 15? I don’t think at any of these stages in life we knew clearly what we wanted from life. 

I force P to go for dance class sometimes. She needs that push. Dint we all watch Dangal. If it wasn’t for the force Mr Mahaveer Singh Phogat gave , the girls would not have done what they did. If she insists too much I just give her the example. Show her that, see if they weren’t forced they would not be where they are. But I do that because I see that she is good at it. She also learnt guitar for a while. But I could genuinely see that she was not interested. So I stopped. We need to know where to draw the line and where to let go. I tell her dance class is like school. You don’t have a choice. I have heard a certain famous Indian tennis player, I can’t recall who, who was forced by his father to practice for hours when he was small. Even though he disliked it. But then he is what he is today because his father did that. 

Kids at their tender ages need to be reinforced with the thought that you can be what you like to be. Dream high and work hard to achieve those dreams. It takes a lot to reach at heights where no one has gone before. And for that they need to be mentally very strong and motivated. We can’t mollycoddle them all the time and keep them “protected”. You can be strict. You can scold them sometimes. You don’t have to keep saying things like oh my darling don’t worry mamma is here. Tell them, mamma is not going to be around always. There will be times in life where you will have to look for your own answers. Allow them to think. To problem solve. If they come across a situation and they ask for your help, first encourage them to think of a solution and its consequences on their own. Let them do it also even if you know a better way out. They will learn. Maybe later you can tell them see you could have done it this way. Sometimes they will genuinely need your help. Always give it to them. Depending on each situation we must judge what must be done. There is no one way of doing things. I can’t say always let them problem solve. Make a judgment. 

Along with the freedom they also need support. They need to know that come what may , my parents are here for me. Your love has to be unconditional and they should know that. It gives a person tremendous amount of strength just to know that the people who they love the most are always standing by them like a rock. They must know, even if they fail, they have backup. Not go into depression or take drastic steps. 

Let’s make adults who are strong and focussed. Let’s not emulate some developed nations and be soft on our kids so much so that they are not able to handle small pressures of life like exams and failure. Because hey… we all know that life can throw lemons at us. We need to squeeze them and enjoy the lemonade. 

A and I were reading a book( Richard Scarry’s Best Word Book Ever.) I looooove that book. I used to have it as a kid and I found the newest version of it for A! It was first published in 1963 and in 1991 some changes were done to portray a more progressive society.  You can have a look at it  Here. It’s interesting how they realised that children perceived these things at such a young age!)

So coming back to my topic of Old MacDonald. My baby has made the latest change to this age old rhyme. So first we were on the farm page. So she called out the usual animals…. cow, dog. And then she turned the page. And the next page is an airport. Now I was still singing the rhyme for her. So when I stopped for her to name the next animal, she said Plane! And I thought Wow! That’s interesting. So I sang along and she went on to name helicopter, train and rocket! It was so much fun! 

Co incidentally both the things I mentioned today are about the Mordern world. Whether it was the changes in the Richard Scarry book or it was me singing plane and rocket in Old MacDonald. It’s important how we should break age old stereotypes and move ahead and teach our children about being more open minded. Not sticking to gender stereotypes (one of the reasons for the changes in the book). 

Everyday we read and see about women being abused across the nation. Why does that happen? Because men believe that women are meant to be bossed around. Because we teach our daughters to be independent ( trying to be mordern in outlook) but we forget to teach our sons that girls can be independent and have minds of their own. Now a days men want their wives to work for the additional money they get but they don’t want to help with housework. So woman lands up doing cooking ,cleaning , being a mom (in India it’s usually just the mom bringing up the kids) and having a job. Which is physically and mentally exhausting and the man won’t even move a finger when he comes home because he is “tired”. Really? And your wife? What is she a superpower goddess? 

Anyway I went completely off topic. I can write pages and pages about this. So conclusion is let’s treat our kids equally and set examples by behaving the same. Otherwise we will only be harping about equality and change and it will never happen. Because we as parents havnt set a good example. I’m lucky my husband is pretty hands on in whatever he can do. He hasn’t been taught to even make a cup of tea so maybe not the kitchen. But at least with the kids he helps as much as he can. 

Papa had a new bottle of some medicine that he had to take. The cap was childproof (or so it said). You know… the one which you need to press and open. Well… A caught hold of the bottle. She turned it and turned it and turned it but it wouldn’t open. So she tried pressing it…. and …. ta da!!!  What do you know…. the cap is off!

Papa closed it and asked her to do it again. Just to see if it was a fluke. But she did right back again. Hah! Defeated the whole purpose 😂 and this is an imported bottle in case you’re wondering. In fact the Indian made crocin is so good that even I am unable to open it!

We were having dinner when suddenly I hear A singing “baby ko base pasand hai” and doing some bum dance…., and I don’t even listen to that song! After a little probing P confessed teaching it to her. I dint know how to react. At the age of 2.5 years, I had not let P watch even cartoons on TV. amd here my little one was doing some bum shaking dance on a hit Bollywood song. The perils of having such a big age gap (5years) between siblings. The younger one grows up too fast. 

I try my best to avoid these things for A. She is not very exposed to TV but now when P watches she simply accompanies her. Screen time for P is also restricted to half an hour on school days and maybe an hour on holidays. Well…. in vacations I let it go. But there is always a tiff. Mom let me eat while watching TV. I want to watch for 5 more minutes. This episode is just getting over and what not. 

I have laid down certain rules regarding the idiot box (although it’s not a box anymore but it sure is idiot). No eating while watching ( milk is ok…. I had to give in on this). Time is restricted. Not only me but all doctors and experts will tell you that eating in front of the TV is the worse thing you could do for your child. A few reasons being

1. The child does not concentrate on the food. So sometimes doesn’t even know what he or she is eating. They eat without tasting. 

2. Since the concentration is on the TV, they can overeat. They loose sense of fullness because they are not thinking and eating. 

3. They say if you don’t concentrate on the food you eat you won’t get the complete nutrition from the food. It’s a waste. ( I don’t know how far this is true) 

4. They don’t understand the texture of the food. Very young kids and toddlers will not know what’s going in their mouths. It’s simply is put in and they swallow. No chewing.  I guess this might be a reason for not getting the nutrition out of the food. 

Usually P adheres to them. But there are times when she creates a fuss and I give in. But it slows down her eating process. (yes…. more than it already is… 45 minutes without TV ). And that’s very annoying. She overshoots her eating time and then spills over to bedtime and the chain continues 🙄. 

I try as far as I can. Rest is up to her and circumstances. But I can say I have been pretty successful at it. A 90% success rate. Although if I’m not home she takes advantage of the situation and those are usually the days she kicks off the rules. Meal time and screen time. 

P’s small achievement for today…… riding her bicycle without the training wheels! Well… I know it’s a life skill, and doing it is not a big deal. But every parent who has gone through this will know the joy of seeing their child ride the bicycle without support. First it was a few feet, then a little more and then finally the length of the entire lane opposite my house. I think I was as ecstatic as she was. She was thrilled that she could ride it that distance and was soooo excited. She wanted to learn everything in one day. When will I learn to start on my own? When will I learn how to turn? All at once 😄

And me… I could feel my eyes well up when I left the cycle and she rode those first few feet without my support. I was screaming on the road as if I was cheering her in a race. I could even see a few people pop their heads out of their houses to see what’s going on. A stranger even gave me a piece of advice, which actually helped! A reason behind it was I have seen her achieve something I never did. Yeah…. sounds weird right? Like who doesn’t know how to ride a bike? The answer is …. me. I don’t know how it happened but it did. So I was hell bent that I’m not going to miss out on my kids learning this very important skill. I want them to learn everything that’s basic for their survival. Give them the gift of freedom. 

A few days ago I read an article by Chetan Bhagat which said how Indian parents hate their sons because they don’t teach them the very important life skills of living on their own. Of running the house alone. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, doing dishes….. they don’t move a finger for any of these. So basically if they are ever left alone to manage…. they won’t survive. 

I want my kids to learn all these. But the major issue in upper class Indian household is also that we have help for everything. So our kids don’t land up learning to do things themselves. I learnt it because we lived in nuclear family. And if there was ever a time when we dint have a servant at home….. we did everything. We cooked, swept, did the dishes, ironed clothes, laundry…… everything. But will my child ever learn? My husband and I have been pondering over this for a while now and have been thinking of ways how we can incorporate simple things which will give our kids basic life skills. It’s difficult (especially if you have grandparents at home) …. but we have to work it out. 

P, A and me had a small holiday on our own last April. We went to Gurgaon to their Bua’s and then Agra to another Bua’s. Yeah i know…. it’s not the best season to travel north. But we had holidays at that time and it was just like ….. let’s just go or it’s never happening. While on the trip I encouraged P to maintain a travel diary. I actually wanted her to write what she is doing everyday. Just a small account of it in her own words. But instead she came up with the fabulous idea of sketching! So everyday she drew one highlight of the day in her own little notebook. I must say I was impressed by what she had come up with. Initially she kept saying tell me what to do but I kept telling her just think. I questioned her…. what did we do today? What was the best thing you liked about today? And she got the hang of it in a couple of days. I came across the book today and while I went through it, I was like wow! This is so amazing. I can encourage her to do this every trip we go and she will be collecting some lovely memories through her drawings…..AND she will pick up the habit of expressing her thoughts in her drawings. 

Talking about creativity….. my little A also comes up with her own ideas. In her little Duplo set she has some flowers. She uses them and square blocks and makes flower gifts for everyone. She makes a few and then distributes it among all the family members. I love the way she sets up her soft toys in the playroom and feeds them food which she has cooked in her little kitchen. 

Well…. maybe these are common things for all kids. But the pride you feel when your child is able to do something like this is just too good. All kids have a creative spark in them. It all depends how much encouragement they get and how much exposure we give them to tap their creativity. There was one art teacher P used to go to who exposed her to many artists from around the world and each one’s style of painting. She was really doing well and it was amazing to see the works of art she was bringing home. Art teacher had a baby herself so no class happening. I feel at this age I must not push her for technique. That can be taught when she is older or maybe she doesn’t need to! But I strongly feel I need to enhance her creativity right now so that that part of her brain develops. So that she comes up with her own ideas and uses them. 

I have mentioned before that P loves to do her own play. She needs her space and time to herself. That’s when she’s happy. She made a very sweet card for us on our anniversary…… sitting in the jw Marriott coffee shop. She had carried paper, colours, glue and god knows what not. And while we had dinner…. she made us this card. It wasn’t exactly a card. I think collage will be the right word. It had little booklets and little tags.  Unfortunately we misplaced it in bringing the sleeping kids home 😔 I have a pic of it though. 

P has a 3 week summer break now. I was telling her yesterday that now since she has holidays she has to spend a minimum of 1 hour reading everyday and finish all those books she has made me buy and not read yet. There is a wishing chair, a Winnie the Pooh, a Roald Dahl ,of course the kids favourite Geronimo 🙄, and a couple more which I can’t remember now….

Every time their school has a parent event, very conveniently they set up a book fair those days (I’m sure they get a cut from those guys). And they will give a list of the books going to be available to the kids and ask them to mark it and give it to the parents. Last time she marked some books and they were not even there! Had to buy her something else. It’s kind of a nuisance for me because P will keep buying books. She hasn’t still read all those she has and asks me to buy more! Last time I put my foot down and told her no more books until you have finished everything…. so target in these 3 weeks is to finish those off. 

Now the biggest deal with her was “when do I read” coz during the day she only wants to play. She still has a lot of imaginary play and totally loves doing her jumping around. She watches some TV too. Maybe an hour on holidays ( school days is restricted to half an hour screen time). So she said fine. I will read in the hour as soon as I wake up and till you wake up. Coz even on holidays she is up by 6:30 and me being a lazier bum wake only much later (I won’t say when 😉) so I woke up to the below scene in my bedroom. She had some mates over too for reading 🙃

She has always been fond of reading and I think it’s such a wonderful thing. It takes you in a completely different world. Where there are so many possibilities and a completely different set of personalities. Reading not only improves your language and vocabulary, but also opens up a whole new world of creativity and imagination. It helps develops concentration ( coz they need to sit in one place and read) and scientifically is said to improve the brain connections. It exposes them to so much information (especially if they enjoy non fiction too) and the curiosity factor can be satisfied to a certain extent on a wide variety of topics. 

Although sometimes I have seen parents pushing kids to read a level much higher than what they should be reading. Ok, fine…. they get to read higher Language and blah blah but are you really giving them something age appropriate? I had her classmate gifting her books meant for 9+ girls. It was about a young girl having crushes and boyfriends and revenge and stuff ! And this is on her 7th birthday. Like seriously? Why? And she was like oh my daughter loves them so she wanted to give P also one. 🙄 Again I come to a point I have made before…. why take their innocence from them? In the competition of making your child ahead of the others you are simply snatching their childhood. Let them be… let them read what they are meant to. Ultimately they are going to be exposed to all that nonsense. Why now?

Bottom line…. read and let read! 😀 but be wise in what you are choosing for your kids!