So today we got an email from school that the last day of school the kids can dressed in casual clothes. I’m talking 4th graders. Now every time there is a casual dress day at school they have some standard rules. No shorts (which is a bit funny coz their uniform is shorts 🤭), no crop tops, no short skirts. I get where they come from. We r in India and here such clothes are still not very socially accepted other than the upper class. And they probably say these because seniors can get a bit out of hand in such situations.

So their standard email comes and starts another WhatsApp bombardment of messages on the class group. Someone had a problem because the rules are only for girls (imagine boys in hot shorts or spaghetti tops or crop tops🤔) and someone had a problem because they felt these are too regressive and someone else said we rather send them in uniform than follow the restrictions! when I said these are standard rules especially because of seniors the question was …. Why? I chose not to reply. I don’t want to get into this debate. Everyone has their own opinions and they are free to express.

In the society we belong to we are habituated to live in male staff at home. They cook, they clean and do mundane chores around the house. We live in a multi storey house in a joint family. And it’s impossible for any one family member (which will have to be me) to do everything. Especially the cooking part….. no…. Not me. So when P or A are at home they are expected to sit properly and make sure they are dressed properly (for us that means no strappy clothes or crop tops ). They do wear shorts but they have to learn how to sit properly in them.

A friend once asked me why restrictions at home. And why can they wear anything outside but not inside the house. The answer is when they go out they are in front of strangers. They don’t have easy access to them (as of now as they don’t venture out on their own) when they are at home, they show themselves to the staff who is here 24×7. They have direct access to them. They look at them all the time. These are people from small villages who have never seen girls dressed like this. They are not used to seeing girls expose their bodies. I don’t know what’s going on their minds and I don’t want to give them ideas.

I’m not saying not exposing won’t give them ideas. If someone has to have pervert thoughts it can be even if someone is fully covered. That’s besides the point. But at least that much I can save them.

So I really see the point here when school says no to such clothes. And besides every school has their own rules. Why is it so important for your child to wear those clothes to that one day when they go to school? If school said no just don’t. It’s their rule and every school has a right to have their own dress codes. Now a days it seems the norm has become to oppose everything. School does anything there are always people who will have problems. Just chill ya….. no body is perfect. And definitely there must be a reason behind it. Why don’t you talk directly to the management about it if you are so concerned. Why are you spamming the group 🙄

Diwali has just gone by last week. As always it’s busy and exciting and also tiring. The festivities begin almost 3 weeks in advance with Diwali parties. We maxed out on 4 this year. But each and every one was fun and different from the other. Different crowds and different activities so all in all a good mix.

Kids are always excited for Diwali. It means new outfits ( the only time of the year I get them ethnic clothes 😄) and meeting the entire family in one go. Within a span of 2-3 days we would have met most of our family staying here. That’s the fun part for them. They always make a rangoli (this time I did not help them, but they still managed to whip up something) , decorate the house with flowers and lights.

They actually get very less time, unfortunately school here only gives holiday on Diwali day and the next. It leaves them very little time to do any preps. Maybe next year I’ll make them take an off one day before also. That way they can do the rangoli and other decor in peace. It’s something they enjoy and look forward to.

And of course bursting crackers. Although they are unfriendly to the environment, it’s an integral part of Diwali celebrations. As kids we used to bring box loads of crackers and burst them. Now that is reduced to a bag. But they still enjoy it. We get these small bombs which we throw on the ground, they burst and give a small sound. A really loves those 😃.

Quoted from a text I received today from a teacher at their school…. I shall bask in the light of compliments I get when I meet teachers from school. Apart from the their academic performance the one thing they always tell me…. “Please continue to do whatever you’re doing to raise such lovely daughter” whether it’s P or A…. The feedback is the same.

It makes me so proud that my girls are leaving a positive impact on the people around them. People think of them as lovely human beings who are empathetic and polite and caring and helpful. I wonder which part of my upbringing makes them like that. I don’t have any intentional talks with them about being like this. They are what they are. The one thing I always do is love them unconditionally. Yes, I yell and I get upset with them a number of times. But then at the same time I shower them with all my love.

But you know…. Sometimes it also makes me wonder if they are talking about my child. Coz I see a different personality at home. As far as P is concerned she’s such a different person at home. She’s hardly helpful, doesn’t bother about anything else at home, and can be really upsetting. Maybe she’s being a teen but then why does all the teen power have to come out on me. Why not a little bit in school also 🙄

And A…. What do I say about her. She’s adorable. A little cutie pie. But also a cranky baby. Her tears are like waiting to pour out and she cries at the drop of a hat. She cries at every tiny thing and that can be really really annoying.

Well… what’s to say if the world thinks they are lovely. If they say so….. ☺️

As P grows older it’s getting increasingly difficult to keep her focused on her studies. TV and social media hog up a lot of her time and now it’s showing in her performance. Not that she did badly but her performance has gone down marginally and she could have fared better if she spent more time on practising. She’s a bright child (touchwood) and her teachers always tell me that most of her studying is happening in class because she gives her full concentration and diligently takes notes. She understands, asks questions and absorbs whatever is being done in class…..which is music to my ears when I go to attend the PTMs.

The problem begins when she comes home. She doesn’t want to put in extra work over and above what is required. Now a days all assignments are submitted last minute and done half heartedly and in a hurry. What do you do in such a situation? I know she can do much better than she is already doing. But she needs that extra effort. It’s not even about marks, it’s about the habit. No matter how much we try to counsel her and talk to her about the benefits of putting in hard work, she doesn’t understand. It seems like she is putting in some effort for a few days and then it’s back to square one.

I am out of my wits end to think about ways to motivate her. I hate policing her and putting restrictions and I hate giving material things as incentive. Those are really not the ways one forms healthy habits. But what are my other options? No amount of explaining and talking have any effect. It all comes down to “chill mom” and “relax”. Yaar kitna chill karoon?

How many times have you wished that your babies don’t grow up? But of course….. not that we can do anything about it. They ultimately do. And then you miss all those cuddles and kisses and all those times when you child just wants to stick to you. Well…. I’m that kind of a person. I love to hold them close. P was never the huggy kinds but A loves it. Any time she has 5 minutes to spare she will come running and ask Mamma can we cuddle for 5 minutes? And then make a little puppy face and show me her sweet twinkly eyes and then I just can’t say no! On weekends she comes to my room as soon as she wakes up to check if I’m awake. Mostly I’m in that phase where I’m awake but not out of the bed yet…and she will come into my bed and want to cuddle for a few minutes. The day she doesn’t I actually go and check what happened and where she is. It’s the perfect start to the weekend 😃

As they start growing older all their chubby fat and the kid accent (you know what I’m talking about?) goes away. They start talking like grown ups and become thin! I do not know what’s with becoming thin. They just grow taller and it seems like the fat just keeps getting distributed in the height and they keep looking thinner. They are not loosing weight but the appearance is such. 😕

They don’t have innocent questions any more like “mamma why does the cow poop on the road? Don’t they know to use toilets” or “mamma where does the sun go at night” or stuff like that…..Yeah it’s true that they also talk a little lesser…. No much lesser…. Which you would have wished for them to do when they were little…. So it’s like a vicious circle. When they were little you wished they talked lesser because then it’s non stop but when they grow older you want them to talk more because now they don’t talk any more 😩. That balance doesn’t seem to come.

I have both the worlds with me right now. A is little enough to talk non stop and P is old enough to talk less. So I wish there was a way where they both could distribute the talking easily but…… Am I even making sense?

Things I miss in a little baby

• Soft chubby cheeks
• The way they hold out their arms for you to lift them
• The way they wrap their tiny fingers around yours
• The way silly little things make them laugh
• Their cute baby laughter
• They silly things they say and cute language of their own
• The way they fit into your lap and you can make them comfortable anywhere by just taking them onto your lap.
• Running around the house in the cute baby kind of way
• Playing silly games
• ………..

The list can go on and on. A is in that transition now when’re she stops being cute and seems more grown up. Even though she’s over 9 years now, she still seems like the little baby of the house. I don’t know if that’s ever going to change 😄

I found this post in my drafts. It’s been over a year since I wrote it and I think I missed hitting the publish button…..

I do…. Even though she’s 13 now and very brave. P came home 2 days back with both knees , 1 elbow and 1 palm very badly bruised and she was very excited about it. “Mom all 4 limbs!” That day I got a call from her friend from school in the middle of the day saying that she’s hurt herself. P was in the background and laughing and screaming “No Ma I’m fine”. So I thought they were trying to play a prank on me. I just said ok send me pics. P was laughing and cut the line and that’s all I heard from them. I just assumed it was meant to be a prank and laughed it off. But when I saw P get off the bus my heart sank.

School had done first aid and 1 wound was worse than the others. P could hardly walk straight and was finding it difficult to come down the bus steps also. When we got home I removed the bandage they had put to apply some medicine….. and my eyes were filled with tears as I peeled the bandage off from the wound. Luckily it wasn’t stuck and came off easily. Once before the bandage was badly stuck on the wound and dried and I had to put lots of water on it for it to come off…. But it still hurt like crazy.

The worse part is we are going for a holiday on Saturday 😫. We were so excited and the kids were going to get to use the pool after this long spell of the pandemic. Now the doctor says “better to avoid” I haven’t told her that yet but she’s going to be sooo disappointed.

Point is even after all these years I can’t see the sight of my kids being hurt. I still cry when they’re hurt badly and in pain. I guess that never changes whatever their age might be.

Exams and Tv have a love hate relationship. They need a little to cool off and take a break. At the same time it’s a too distracting. How much is little and how much is enough for them to get enough during exams. I have never banned P from TV during exams. I trust her judgement to how much she needs to spend her time studying or how much TV she needs to watch. She has to find that balance. She has to figure it out herself, how much she needs to study. Once they are on social media it’s not only TV but also the media competing for their time. Then one thinks. Should I draw the line here? Should I put some restrictions on her or let her only be the judge?

I don’t want to be the restricting type of parent. Don’t do this…. Don’t do that….. Yes.. There are some things where you need to put your foot down, like meal time and bed time and to an extent the tv too. If I don’t take the iPad away from her before bed time, I see her using it even after I come back to check on her later. So as a rule the iPad has to be kept in my room before they go to bed. And her phone also starts downtime at 10pm. So she can’t use it beyond that. Given full freedom I don’t know what these kids will do.

It’s a very thin line. Giving your child the right amount of freedom and at the same time being sure they are not taking advantage of it. I think every parent needs to be the judge of it themselves. What works for them as a family also counts. You can’t have a general thumb tule for this kind of stuff. You have to consider factors like how much time does your child actually need to study, do they have external tuitions or classes to go to, how any extra curricular activities are they doing, how much down time does your child need to rejuvenate, what kids of activity does your child like to take time off.

Consider everything and find what works best for you and your child.

It’s been a really long break in my blog. I was growing…. And thinking…. And wondering…..what do I write as a mom of a fresh teenager. There is nothing I can write which will be sound advice. Coz no one knows how to really handle a teenager. Coz every teenager is different. Coz mine is 14 now and for the past one year or so I felt as if a rock hit me.

I am still finding the apt way of handling her. If I say something…. It’s often the wrong thing. If I don’t say anything….. I’m accused of not saying anything. What is a person supposed to do? When she comes and confides in me and tells me things she expects some sort of reply which I don’t know. Then she gets upset that I’m not saying the right thing.

And the funniest thing…. She will come and sit upset in front of me….. I will ask her what happened…..then again she gets upset because I should have known what the matter is!! HELLO!!!! I’m not a mind reader!! Does being a mom automatically mean mind reader? Then she says…. No you think what it is or what you should have said. How? Just how? If someone knows these magical powers please teach me. I certainly do want to know how to read her mind.

Sometimes she will be upset and fight with me and 5 seconds later she will behave as if nothing happened! Her mood swings are worse than when I was pregnant!

Still figuring out things. Everyday is a new experience. Everyday I learn something new. Hopefully I will find A easier to handle after going through it once……just hopefully.

Some parents tell me… “my kids get up and get ready on their own…. The maid drops them to the bus stop. They just say bye and leave.” Well… that’s great for you! Whatever works. But I can’t get myself to leave them. I want to cuddle in for that 5 minutes before they wake up. I want to wake them up with my hugs and kisses. I want to be the one giving them their morning snack and seeing them off to the bus stop. Not because I HAVE to do it but because I WANT to do it.

Why you may ask … when I can leave it up to the help and enjoy some extra sleep. But they’re my kids… not the help’s. And my kids need to see my face when they wake up not the help’s. I know it’s very comforting for them when I see them off at the bus stop. They give me a hug when they get on and a flying kiss from the bus window and the smiles on their faces is priceless. Where will I get such a start to my day? and where will THEY get such a start to their day? I just feel they feel more secure and so loved when I do these things for them. Every little thing counts and when they grow up they will understand that no matter how late my mom slept or did not sleep at all…. She still woke up at 5:30am every day to send us to school. Not because she HAD to but because she WANTED to. Isn’t that comforting? To know your mom cares enough to do that? (So what if I snuggle back into my bed sometimes and sleep a little more after I drop them 😋)

Same goes with picking them up from the bus stop every afternoon. After I started working at the factory a year ago I would send the help to pick them up. And reach home maybe after half an hour or so. The days I made it to pick them up they would be overjoyed. Even the helper in the bus would tell me. When they (especially A) see me standing at the bus stop from far, the smile would go from ear to ear and she would be super excited. So now I try to come as much as I can. And of course you get to hear how their day went just then and there. There’s no later for that.

They are with me now. Once they grow up they will be gone their own ways and if I tell them I’m coming to pick you up they might not want it any more. My neighbour would tell me all the time when my babies were small. Don’t miss out on these little things. Once they are grown up you will long for them. Enjoy this childhood.

So here I am. Trying to enjoy that childhood of theirs as much as I can. It can be stressful and it can be overwhelming but I know we parents can hang in there.

Has anyone heard me yelling at my kids? Maybe not in public…. But at home, it does happen. And then when it happens… I get scolded at that why do you yell so much at them. And the only thing I have to say is that you heard me yell at them once…..but you did not hear me tell them nicely 26 times before I lost it.

And it’s true. I will tell them nicely once and twice and over and over again. Why don’t they listen? Why doesn’t anyone else listen and appreciate that! But that one time when I yell… the whole house comes to their rescue as if I’m committing a crime.

Yes…. I yelled…. But why did I yell? Why is it that just because I’m a mother I’m expected to have infinite amounts of patience. Has anyone thought about that. I’m sure all those people who write it in their books or blogs have never really dealt with their kids on a daily basis. Researchers and authors are surely busy researching and writing to even deal with this. You should ask their spouse. The true story will come out then

I try not to. I control myself. I tell myself every time that it won’t happen again and then they do something again….. or rather not do something again. What to say further…