Someone was telling me today about a pair of siblings, about how they go scribbling around the house on the walls. She was like the entire walls in the house are filled with scribbling. The kids are so stubborn that the mom is listening to what the kids are saying but they wont listen to her. She doesn’t believe in saying no to the kids or stopping them from doing anything.

I want to ask why? Why cant you stop your kids from scribbling on the walls? You don’t have to say no to scribbling. Just tell them scribbling is to be done on paper not the walls. There is a limit to which the kids should be allowed to be free. I believe in letting them spend time as per their wish too. But not this. I cannot see that they are indisciplined or spoil their surroundings. They have to learn to be sensitive to their surroundings. Today its the house, tomorrow it will be school and then other peoples houses and maybe public places. What will you do then? You never stopped then at home. So they assume they can do it anywhere.

You don’t make them pick up their mess in the house, they ultimately wont do it anywhere. (Although this one gets really tough. A does everything in school. Not a single complaint. But if I ask her to pick up her stuff at home, she refuses. She is slowly getting there but its slow) but if I don’t impress the importance of it from now, she will not understand. No one is going to clear up for you all the time.

Two things come out of this

1. The little training kids receive at home go a long way in life. Being sensitive to their environment and to the people around. The culture you follow at home primarily becomes their culture when they grow up. It helps them take care of their surroundings in school or at others houses or when they grow up at work and public places.

2. Its ok to say no to kids. You don’t have to allow them to do everything just because you don’t want to say no. Nowadays people have made too much of a hype of this thing. You shudnt say no to kids and all. Don’t say no. But at least put the message across. Eg. Painting is for paper. Not walls. If you want to paint please use paper. Do we want dirty looking walls in the house? And if that doesn’t work you have to be authoritative and say clearly “NO” ITS OK! There has to be an authoritative figure in the house. Just like there is an authoritative figure at work, or school, or even the country. Can there be discipline and peace if there is no authority figure? No. Everything will be haywire.

I feel we should choose a moderate path. There has to be a line which differentiates between friends and parents. You are their parent for a reason. They have plenty of friends outside. Its your responsibility to give the world responsible and sensitive human beings to make the world a liveable place. And to do this there have to be dos and donts. Otherwise we all be unruly unmanaged people.

You have to decide where you have to draw your line. Your kids should find you a friend enough to confide in you. But you must also be parent enough that they are conscious if they do something that you don’t approve of.

Love them. Adore them. Pamper them. But don’t spoil them.