As I was feeding A breakfast today she suddenly said “mamma jab mein aane wali thi to didi boli usko brother nahin chahiye. Aur mein aa gayi”( mamma when I was going to be born, didi said she doesn’t want a brother. And then I came) and she gave out a little giggle.

It took me back to the time when I had conceived A and it was almost time to tell P that she was going to have a sibling soon. It was a kind of telepathy she had. P and I were actually on vacation to the US. I had probably conceived before I left and I dint know. I traveled, picked up suitcases and did everything possible on that trip without knowing I was pregnant. It was only once I came back home and I tested, I knew it was positive. I dint tell P yet. I was trying to figure out how I want to make it easy on her. While we were still thinking about all this…. one day out of the blue she tells me mamma I want a baby . I was a little taken aback. How can her timing be so exact?

I asked her if she wanted a brother or sister or either was ok. She was very specific she wanted a sister! So I told her…. ok. Lets all pray to God together that you get a baby sister soon. We played along for a few days and then finally I told her. That her sibling was in my tummy. I had to drill it into her head that you better be prepared for a brother also. Because God just gives us a baby. Even He doesn’t know whether boy or girl. So we spent the days of pregnancy in anticipation and preparation and a LOT of excitement. I heard when I was in the labour room the nurse asked her what she wanted and she still said “sister”. And she was ecstatic when she knew it was a girl 😃(So was I! My husband says “you should’ve seen your face”)

I had heard and experienced enough sibling rivalry and I was very clear that I will not let that happen between my children. I will not let P be left out or feel alone in any way so that she grows to love her little sibling. I read books about it to her and talked to her in every way I could. She was almost 5 years old then so she was pretty grown up. Her papa and I decided that he would spend more time with her each day after the baby comes so she gets at least one parents undivided attention. And he did…. everyday he would come home earlier from work and sit with her and play and read to her and feed her dinner. He helped a tremendous lot during the first couple of months so that she felt comfortable.

I also made an effort everyday to read at least 1 book to her and check her homework. In our culture we have a 40 day rest period for a new mom so she can recuperate from the birthing. So I was just in my room all the time. I had a help who would be there during the day and help out with her. Plus I had my mother in law and my mom. So support system was complete.

We all tried our level best to make P as comfortable as possible and as loved as possible. Books say involve the older one in taking care of the new baby etc. To a point its fine. But I think we need to give them their own space also to think and digest everything that’s going on. P is not a very affectionate person by nature. She does what she has to and she rather be on her own. Her involvement at that time was pretty minimal and she would just come around to hang out and maybe play with her baby sister. I did feel she was aloof initially but eventually she came around.

I wont say she is a perfect older daughter and never fights with her sister. Their age gap is 5 years so it’s difficult to keep them engaged together for too long. But at least when I need her to, she keeps her busy. Entertains her, feeds her, bathes her. The only thing she cant do yet is put her to bed 😁. If they want they both can really have a blast.

So I’m thankful to God for giving me these beautiful daughters. Grateful that they are happy and healthy children. (Even though they are the fussiest eaters on this planet!)