Recently I came across this picture on Facebook on one of my friend’s timeline. It hit me really hard. Don’t we all come across such situations in life where we want to just leave everything behind and wish that we can give it all up? Let’s face it…. we all do. And it is in such times we often forget about our children. Not only are they affected by our decisions but they are also watching. Watching us act and react. Watching our every move, every word we speak.

If I give up, my child will follow suit. If I stay strong my child grows stronger. They learn the whole cycle of facing tough situations and being strong through them. Their observation is super strong. Especially when they are in that age of 2-10. Once they start understanding things, they learn everything from you. They observe what clothes you’re wearing, what shoes, what jewellery, even nail polish! ……And your words. They pick those up the fastest.

There have been numerous times when A comes and tells me things she has observed and remembered for over a few months! Like I have one particular pink kurta which I wear with an orange legging. One day I wore it with an off white legging. The second she saw me, she said “Mamma ye galat pant hai….. isko Orange pant ke saath pehenna chahiye!” (Mamma this is the wrong pant… you should wear this with the orange one!) Or once after I changed my nail polish on my toes….. “aapne red colour kyon laga liya?”( why have you applied red colour?) Or once when it had been a few days since I had not removed my nail polish on my toes….. “isko utaar do Mamma, aapke naakhun kharab ho jaayenge” (remove this Mamma, your nails will get spoilt) coz I keep refusing to put nail polish on her saying her nails will get spoilt.

These are just material things. Every word I say is also being observed and stored in their memories. P and A both have been very observant girls. We really have to watch what we talk when they are around because they listen and they remember. It’s not only what I say… but also HOW I say. The days I’m a little off beat and land up being a little strict with them, they too start behaving the same way. The more patient I am, the better my kids behave. How I react to certain things is what teaches them what a person’s reaction should be.

For children, parents are their biggest teachers. They learn everything from us. How we talk, how we walk, how we dress….. just about everything. Even how I spend my time. I can’t complain that my children spend too much time with the screen, if I myself spend hours on my phone and watch television very often. I can’t complain that my kids eat all over the house if I don’t sit and eat on the dining table. Same goes with eating and watching TV. A lot of parents complain of many things. But I don’t think they introspect and see what they themselves are doing.

The way children talk, their tone, their words are all results of their observation. So if you want your children to behave, then you have to learn to behave. If you want them to have respect, you learn to respect not only others, but them too.

The most appropriate thing I can mention for today’s day and age is the way men and women live in the house together. Does the man of the house give respect to the lady or does he talk rudely to her all the time or even physically abuse her? If not even to that extent just on a general note… what are the things mom and dad do around the house? The whole gender thingie is ingrained in their mind from a very young age. Dad works at office. Mom does all the housework. Dad chills when he’s at home. Mom has to take care of food and groceries and laundry etc etc. Basically mom does all the housework and dad works outside. Now a days even if mom is also working , still she is the only one doing these things. Dads still don’t help. That’s where the gender bias creeps in. If both parents are working then it’s both parents’ responsibility to take care of the house and kids also. Why only mom? So the kids grow up learning the same thing and the cycle continues. This whole woman abuse comes from the fact that women are not given equal respect at home by men. So the younger generation also learns the same thing. Forget men not giving respect even women of the same house don’t treat each other well. It’s so deeply penetrated in our culture , that women themselves feel that they are inferior and that’s the only place for a woman.

So if we are looking to live in a better world we have to correct ourselves as parents. Only then will the next generation learn about beig equal. But in a nation like ours…. the task seems to be impossible. Certain strata of the society might take a few generations more. But at least we, educated people, well traveled people, should get out of these. Try and change things for our daughters by setting a good example.