It’s common to hear this statement now a days. New age parents don’t want to pressurise their children to be a certain something. Which is good… there should be no pressure for them to be A SOMETHING. But they need guidance to do what they like. I often think that I’m going to bring my girls up differently than I was brought up. Not that protected shell where we were told that I need to learn how to cook because that’s what girls do(not that I learnt it anyway). I am a chartered accountant. But that was allowed to me because it was believed what if I face some grim situation some day, it will come in use.  I wasn’t given a dream to have a career, to be what I would like to be. But I want to give my kids a dream. 

I agree that kids should be allowed to do what they want to. But I also feel they need a certain amount of guidance. They can’t be just left to make their own choices. Until a certain age… even up to their teens they need guidance. Go back and think. At the age of 5 what did you do? Just did as parents told you to. Why? Did you have the brains enough to think what’s right and wrong for you? What about age 10 or age 15? I don’t think at any of these stages in life we knew clearly what we wanted from life. 

I force P to go for dance class sometimes. She needs that push. Dint we all watch Dangal. If it wasn’t for the force Mr Mahaveer Singh Phogat gave , the girls would not have done what they did. If she insists too much I just give her the example. Show her that, see if they weren’t forced they would not be where they are. But I do that because I see that she is good at it. She also learnt guitar for a while. But I could genuinely see that she was not interested. So I stopped. We need to know where to draw the line and where to let go. I tell her dance class is like school. You don’t have a choice. I have heard a certain famous Indian tennis player, I can’t recall who, who was forced by his father to practice for hours when he was small. Even though he disliked it. But then he is what he is today because his father did that. 

Kids at their tender ages need to be reinforced with the thought that you can be what you like to be. Dream high and work hard to achieve those dreams. It takes a lot to reach at heights where no one has gone before. And for that they need to be mentally very strong and motivated. We can’t mollycoddle them all the time and keep them “protected”. You can be strict. You can scold them sometimes. You don’t have to keep saying things like oh my darling don’t worry mamma is here. Tell them, mamma is not going to be around always. There will be times in life where you will have to look for your own answers. Allow them to think. To problem solve. If they come across a situation and they ask for your help, first encourage them to think of a solution and its consequences on their own. Let them do it also even if you know a better way out. They will learn. Maybe later you can tell them see you could have done it this way. Sometimes they will genuinely need your help. Always give it to them. Depending on each situation we must judge what must be done. There is no one way of doing things. I can’t say always let them problem solve. Make a judgment. 

Along with the freedom they also need support. They need to know that come what may , my parents are here for me. Your love has to be unconditional and they should know that. It gives a person tremendous amount of strength just to know that the people who they love the most are always standing by them like a rock. They must know, even if they fail, they have backup. Not go into depression or take drastic steps. 

Let’s make adults who are strong and focussed. Let’s not emulate some developed nations and be soft on our kids so much so that they are not able to handle small pressures of life like exams and failure. Because hey… we all know that life can throw lemons at us. We need to squeeze them and enjoy the lemonade.